The six thinking hats of sex

In line with the annual sex issue, Canta spoke to six different people from different jobs, walks of life and experiences on what they think about sex.

Karen Saunders is a lecturer at the University of Canterbury. With a specialisation in the arts and culture. Saunders has an interest in researching Queer Theory, New Materialism and Posthumanism.

When they talk about historical norms regarding sex and sexuality, Saunders notes “what was defined as normal was historically decided by early sexologists, as a result the views are heteronormative, reductive, not nuanced.” With an “old fashioned” focused on genitalia.

This view of sex as society knows it has been entrenched by colonial hegemons for centuries. Modern sexual norms are framed by religion, colonialism and early sexologists. Calls to move away from these norms are met with backlash and the desire to “return to normal”.

Hegemons stoke this fear of moving away from norms to rile up populace, all out of fear to maintain power. Radical theories challenge this outlook.

“Sexuality is one of those powerful things, it cannot be contained, however communities have tried to contain it,” Saunders says. “We’ve taken something that is very complex and watered it down, to understand and control it”.

Sex positivity seen as threat to hegemons, as well as those who don’t need to question themselves a form of heteronormativity. There will be pushback but also, progress the pushback comes from the conservative right but has gotten to the point where the pushback is seen as extremism. The so called ‘culture wars’ is the result of questioning the hegemon.

What is considered ‘normal’ is a construct, it’s not what is natural. Working out what is natural is difficult do to ideological influence.

When the natural world is used to defend sexual norms, “people only want to see what they want to see,” the existence of same-sex relationships amongst animals are ignored.

Western colonial views eradicated expression in sexual identity.

Michel Foucault in the book “History of Sexuality” questions the traditional view of sex for reproduction and proposes a new sex as pleasure-based concept.

People can connect over intensities over just about anything, Saunders used food for example.

Modern sex education reflects societal norms. With a focus on reproduction and STIs. Things such as relationships and pleasure ignored. Backlash from far-right about teaching of rainbow issues is also an example about pushback behind changing norms.

Change would involve a change from the traditional outlook of sex, the gender binary props up these norms.

Saunders thinks moving away from those binaries would be an important first step “people still think there are two sexes”. Decentralisation or discontinuation of the binary model would solve equity issues, society would benefit from a shift from the current binary model to a new spectrum model regarding sexuality. “Where people can move about where they see fit”.

Despite suggesting a shift away from labels and the associated norms, Saunders notes that labelling groups is paradoxical needed for groups to fight for rights such as the rainbow community, but they enforce rigidities of norms.

Saunders encourages society to think about how grey sexuality is, and to not look it as a black and white thing. “Life is chaotic” she said.

Petra (she/her) is a stripper on strike.

“Sex work is becoming more and more an acknowledged part of the social landscape than ever before” she said.

There are many types of sex workers: webcam models, escorts, strippers, pornographic actors – even some writers of erotic fiction consider themselves sex workers. Petra is a stripper; she’s currently on strike to fight for better working conditions.

“The conditions dancers are expected to endure are just untenable – fear of the managers fining you for arbitrary reasons, bullying, delays – sometimes for weeks – in getting paid, unfair splits for tips, being forced to stay during severe weather when there are no customers, floors and stairs that are unsafe to walk on in heels, no guarantee the bouncers or management will address unsafe customers, the list goes on!”

Petra says that awareness of sex work has increased in recent years. “It's always been a part of our lives, communities, societies, but people actually talk about it, engage with it, and are open to the idea that it's just something people take part in.”

“Let's keep the party going with safer sex practices, safe environments for sex workers and clients, good information, and fair pay.”

While sex work is certainly being normalised, Petra says that it’s important to “leave behind jokes about quitting X Muggle Job and selling feet pics/becoming a stripper/starting an OF. While I think that'd be a worthy career change, the jokes minimises the time and effort that goes into making a liveable income from those industries.”

In Aotearoa it’s legal to be a sex worker, and for an adult to pay for sexual services from another adult. “Along with normalising sex work, let’s stop stigmatising people who buy services from sex workers. Let people find comfort and connection, let people get off, let people enjoy sex!”

Petra says that being a stripper “removed this scarcity mindset I had toward sexual expression and made me way more selective toward my own sexual outlets. I didn't have to wait for big moments or wild nights because I had them as a part of my regular routine!”

“I think it normalised sexual expression for me, and I realised I could let it flow when and how I wanted rather than bottling things up until I burst, which I think is the norm for a lot of people.”

Petra’s main concerns regarding sex and sexuality “always centre around protecting our queer communities, especially the young ones! There is a lot of hate and misinformation out there, and it's worrying that we aren't further along in 2023.”

Plus, some always-excellent advice: “Accurate info and care for sexual health is always a concern for me. Get tested regularly, know your status! This goes for anyone and everyone having sex!”

She encourages folks to sign the petition at @19firedupstilettos to advocate for sex workers and to “remember that we like our jobs!”

“Like any other job, there are people who do it just to get by, but for the rest of us it's creative, challenging, and engaging and we just want to get paid for it like anyone else.”

Peter Lyu is one of the Practice Nurses at the UC Health Centre on campus. He specialises in sexual health for everyone but has a more specific focus on men who have sex with men (MSM).

He has found in his experience that people coming to university tend be very sexually active and are beginning to explore their sexuality and as a result are very new to the sex scene- they often lack knowledge of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and getting checked for them.

Ignorance of getting checked regularly for STIs are common and a lot of STIs are symptomless further adding to the issue.

Lyu said that at UC Semester One is known as “Clam Season” The name comes from the Chlamydia the most common STI and Fresher students living in the halls for the first time. They can begin to explore themselves unlike before and the communal living makes sexual contact more frequent.

“I try to push the idea that STIs are just like other illnesses just like colds and flus.”

Lyu stresses the need to get tested every 3-6 months, if one is sexually active and not just when they have been told about infection or are concerned. Especially for women as they are often symptomless when they catch an STI. Peter notes that Chlamydia has the potential to make a woman infertile later in life if untreated so it’s best to get checked to be safe.

There are plenty of services available for those who want to get a check-up or treatment. Some of which are the UC Health Centre, Te Whatu Ora Waitaha - Sexual Health Clinic and the Bennett Foundation.

As well as lack of knowledge, the stigma around sex and sexual experiences is another reason why people don’t get checked and treated if need be – especially members of the rainbow community who are in the closet still.

Lyu believes the stigma come from traditional norms. Historically STIs have been associated with sex workers, the rainbow community and being in open relationships. In a world where closed sexual relationships are expected, a STI can be a sign of disloyalty.

The concept of sex is changing from a traditional western ideal of sex being sacred and private to a more diverse, sex positive one where openness especially to medical professionals is encouraged and stigma is minimised.

Lyu also wanted to make readers aware of the drug PrEP which can reduce your chance of getting HIV from sex or injection drug use. Especially for those in certain communities such as rainbow and MSM (Trans women and NBs as well) who have casual sex frequently. PrEP isn’t needed for a relationship that is completely closed. It is funded for all citizens and permanent residents who are eligible. People who are eligible are HIV negative and who are at an elevated risk of HIV exposure making PrEP clinically appropriate.

Some main take aways from Lyu include “taking ownership of your health,” “use Condoms if you can,” “get checked regularly (3-6 Months),”  and be aware of the relationship between alcohol and sex as those under the influence are more likely to engage in risky behaviour.

Another bit of advice is to contract trace sexual partners, Lyu admits it’s awkward but a useful tool in the event of catching an STI as it allows people to know to get treated.

Finally, Lyu says to have fun with sex and to enjoy it “best part of being young”. It’s perfectly normal to have sex and to explore sexuality as well as get tested and treated if need be.

For inquiries about PrEP or testing contact Peter Lyu here peter.lyu@canterbury.ac.nz.

Rev. Dr. John Fox (he/him) is the Senior Ecumenical Chaplain at the University of Canterbury. Cassandra Burton-Wood (she/her) is a UC Chaplain.

When asked what sex represents within Christianity, John responds: “Our perspective would be that it’s for mutuality, commitment, and delight. The Bible’s full of all that stuff... not to be a Bible geek, but the first word for sex in the Bible, the King James version, is ‘Adam knew Eve’. For us, sexuality isn’t just an appetite... it’s about encountering another person and really knowing them.”

He emphasises the importance of consent: “When you’re touching another person, even just to shake their hands, you’re touching a sacred person. A creature of God, not just another animal.”

Cassandra says that community support is an important component of Christian sexuality. “I think the Christian understanding of sexuality is broader than the particular act of sexual intercourse. A really vibrant Christian community will have single people exercising their sexuality, in a sense, in really healthy ways, with intimate friendships. Sexuality... is that kind of movement towards others.”

“For a Christian, the deepest fulfilment is always God, for that desire,” Cassandra says. “It’s actually because that is satisfied by God that we’re free to love others, without having to worry about our egos – or having to need something from them that they can’t actually give us. So sexual intercourse is not crucial to a Christian understanding of sexuality; everyone can live out their sexuality in really healthy ways.” John adds: “With a variety of relationships and with a variety of loves.”

John believes that separating sex from relationality can cause problems. “What you’re supposed to get is pleasure and freedom – what you tend to get is anxiety and loneliness.”

“For us, sex is a matter of gift, where you gift to people rather than taking from them. We all understand physical appetites – we all understand what happens down at Flux on Saturday night – and fair enough. That said, my experience is that true happiness comes from knowledge and from gift.”

John says that in his time as a university chaplain, questions about sex and sexuality come up “all the time”. He says there are concerns about vulnerability, pleasure, love hunger, as well as classic define-the-relationship issues. “A whole bunch of things where people say, ‘I have this freedom. Now what do I do with it?’.”

John assesses his work: “It’s not part of my job to judge people. But I think... the older I get and the more people I see in the office, the more I realise sex is a very powerful force. It has to be balanced by something – by sacrifice, by gift, by commitment, by a whole bunch of things, which make it meaningful.”

Latex Chroma is a member of the kink community and has been aware of their fetish since a young age. Their particular fetish is latex, and all things involving it. They have noted that they get satisfaction from wearing latex and that they even enjoy “the smell and sound” of it.

For Latex Chroma sex helps with their mental wellbeing, although at the same time they note that it was never “really important” to them, and that originally, they had a fairy-tale dream that they wanted to fall in love and lose my virginity to the same person.

Latex Chroma enjoys sex but knows they will have a more enjoyable time if they are able to engage in their kink at the same time. They did continue on to say that not being able to engage in kink doesn’t stop them from having a good time.

One thing they have learnt as a member of the kink community is that having sex is not important to everybody and that some members of the community would much rather have their kinky needs met before or instead of their sexual needs. They feel that “being able to embrace your darkest desires can do wonders for the mind, body, and soul.” Meeting with fellow ‘kinksters’ has allowed them to find people who are into wearing latex like they are and as a result they are having “the time of my life now.”

When asked about society and kink they note that “I know this isn’t considered ‘normal’ but it doesn’t hurt anyone.” Regarding the film 50 Shades of Grey, Latex Chroma said it was good that it got people into the kink world, but the film got “so many things horribly wrong with BDSM.” They noted the lack of consent between both parties, the fact safe words were ignored, and proper mental and physical abuse that would be deemed unacceptable in a kink relationship.

When talking about those who are looking at getting into kink, Latex Chroma says that “communication is the #1 key to success” and that there is a lot to learn to ensure that both parties involved are safe and fulfilled. Another important thing they emphasise is that “when something eventually does go wrong (trust me, it will), it is best to be prepared.”

They feel that religion has affected the way society as a whole sees kink and that it can be tough for people to keep “an open mind”. They don’t believe people with fetishes are anything new, though it is becoming much more mainstream with lots of people embracing the “wonderful world of kink” as they put it.

Maria Angelika Mangulabnan Padigos (she/they) is a second-year student at UC majoring in Psychology with a minor in Public Health.

Angie is originally from the Philippines. On her initial thoughts regarding the sex and relationships culture at UC, she says: “I was pretty shocked, I would say. Cause I’m a Filipina, right, so normally in an educational setting, when it comes to sex, it’s a taboo to even talk about it.”

“When I went here, it was pretty open – when you’re in your friend group, they’re pretty open about it. They want you to feel comfortable about it. I felt so reassured.”

The university attitude about sex has been predominantly a positive one. “Here, even with the teachers they’re still willing to talk about it because they know it’s a normal part of life. They’re not ashamed of it.”

Angie believes this sex-positive approach has multiple benefits. “I think it’s a huge step, for women especially. We’re often just seen as, like, we need to just give birth to children. But the thing is, it feels like we’ve been neglected this whole time.”

“Our only purpose is just to give birth to children, cause that’s what makes us a woman? But by having a sex-positive environment, and perspective for the future, it allows women to do more.”

When they were younger, Angie was pulled out of sex education classes for religious reasons; now, she wishes she’d learned more at a younger age. “Now as I’m older I feel that people need to know that sex is just a normal part of life. It allows a person to really develop who they are.”

They mention what they’ve learned from their time in the Health Science department: “It’s not only that sexual health focuses on your physical health, but it also focuses on your mental and emotional health, your cultural health, because health is a very interconnected concept.”

“In cultural health it’s either you’re in an individualistic culture – like America or Europe or New Zealand – or you’re in a collectivistic culture, like my culture.”

“When it comes to sexual health, if you’re in an individualistic culture it’s expected... it’s like you’re not living life if you haven’t experienced it. I feel like people are so pressured to experience sex to know what it feels like to be in that culture.”

Considering the future, Angie wants to find a balance. “I think finding programmes that will help a person’s sexuality would be good – but focusing on how they live. Because every person’s lifestyle is gonna be different. If it’s in an individualistic culture I think creating a sense of reassurance is really beneficial.”