Sport, Stigma, and Sexuality
Sport is ingrained in our Aotearoa culture. Packed stadiums of 50,000 fans display the support for our nation's sporting success. However, beneath this surface, LGBTQ+ individuals feel constrained by societal and sporting expectations, leading many to hide their true selves. As norms evolve, the walls of heteronormativity are beginning to crumble, signaling a more inclusive era in sports – with sports stars breaking out and opening up.
Johnstone in 2005 playing for the All Blacks. Source: PhotoSport
Campbell Johnstone, the first openly gay All Black, embodies this change. He told Canta, “you can't really help anyone if you haven't helped yourself first and got yourself in order and happy […] that was probably the big catalyst… I was finally, you know, 100% confident in myself and who I was.”
He teamed up with a media liaison to ensure the story was handled correctly. Still, coming out to the world at 43 was a much larger event than he ever expected; he explained that he was quite naïve towards how big of a deal this was going to be.
His confidence not only empowered him to be true to himself, but also to challenge the status quo within the sports community. Multiple people came forward to share their journeys with Johnstone, which he said “was one of the most humbling experiences I've ever, ever, ever had.”
Johnstone revealed the struggles he faced behind closed doors, which appears to be a common feeling for LGBTQ+ athletes. He noted, “I didn't come out early […] because I was still struggling with accepting myself. But when I came out and saw all the stories that people have told me about how they've given away their dreams, or their chosen sport, it was quite sad to read that and think ‘well, maybe if I had done it earlier… some people would have hung in there in their sport’.”
Sara McLauchlan, right, playing hockey. Source: Sara McLauchlan.
Women in sports are faced with similar struggles, particularly around shame, acceptance, and bigotry. Coming out in 2023 is still no mean feat, but jumping back to the 90s shows a completely different perspective entirely.
Sara McLauchlan, a 50-year-old ex-athlete in professional cricket and hockey, has been openly gay for most of her life. Despite her openness, she found it difficult to shine when shame weighed heavily on her mind. Her early sporting years in the 90s were marked by isolation and confusion, as she battled when and where was appropriate to talk about her personal life.
She recalled that “times were changing”, with the likes of Ellen coming out, but the lines were still blurred as to what sexuality represented in society.
Sara McLauchlan, aged 8, in the local newspaper. Source: Sara McLauchlan.
From a young age, McLauchlan challenged gender norms. "I was the first girl to play rugby for Sydenham Rugby Club when I was nine. They thought I was a boy for a long time because I presented as a boy at that age, obviously. And I was really good, but I had to give it up."
As she grew older, she gravitated towards high-level cricket and hockey, which led to their own triumphs and lows. Her awareness of her sexuality arrived not long after this time, as she felt a strong pull towards girls at age 11. That awareness began to foster a sense of shame, as the need to “read the room” all the time weighed heavily on her.
Similar to Johnstone, confidence appeared difficult for McLauchlan to obtain. But their difference lies in the way their identities affected their sport. Johnstone’s never affected impacted his desire to play, whereas McLauchlan’s feelings of shame for being an openly gay woman impacted her progress, especially in hockey.
An anecdote she shared encompassed the mental difficulties of finding acceptance in a sports field, where she explained her inability to grow her hockey career due to a lack of fitting in.
McLauchlan was playing high-level hockey, where the next step was to play for Aotearoa. When the renowned Mandy Smith got injured, a place opened for McLauchlan in the New Zealand team in 1995.
“I thought to myself, my god, this is amazing. And then I was like, ‘I just never feel like my true self in that bubble’. And then at the same time, I'd just been getting over glandular fever – so I rang back with some bullshit lie about how my recovery wouldn’t be fast enough.”
Provincial hockey maintained its place in her life, playing for Canterbury at a high level, but “the higher the grade I got, the less I felt I belonged,” she said.
McLauchlan fondly admires the new state of sexuality and sport for women in Aotearoa. “I get a bit emotional talking about the Black Ferns, as I wish in some ways I was born 20 years later. I just feel like there's a freedom there to if you are staunch, butch, fem, or bisexual if you're anything, I just feel like it would be awesome.”
The 90s was as a “confusing” time to be gay, but also a hard time to be a woman. “Being a woman in sport was hard. But being a gay woman was even harder, because you really didn't fit anywhere,” McLauchlan said.
Representing Aotearoa at the 1993 and 1997 Cricket World Cups is an accomplishment to cherish. McLauchlan reminisces about the women in that sporting code who inspired her with their confidence.
Speaking of Maia Lewis, McLauchlan said, “to me she was the brave one by unapologetically being a gay woman… she introduced me to other lesbians up in Auckland who were just getting on with it in life and sport. It was so exciting to be around these proud gay wahine as they had the great mix of being loud and proud, yet being the calm, cool cats who included everyone.”
Maia Lewis, left, and Sara McLauchlan, to Maia’s right, celebrating with teammates. Source: Sara McLauchlan.
Role models like this have an unmatched impact on young queer lives, something Johnstone wished he’d had when he was younger. “I think if I probably seen a role model or someone in my shoes speaking back at me, it would have probably eased a lot of anxiety and made me feel more comfortable about myself, and I probably would have come to grips of who I am a lot quicker.”
He highlighted his ambition to be that person for the Rainbow community and to help others to feel comfortable with themselves. When he made the decision to go public, he told his media liaisons, “I want to be able to open up the door, stand by it, and help people, and just help normalise everything.” That he did, and continues to do.
The experiences of Johnstone and McLauchlan, spanning decades and challenges, speak to the ongoing progress toward LGBTQ+ inclusion in sports. When asking Johnstone what initiatives he’d like to see, he proceeded to “flip” the question on its head and say, “I really think it's now in the hands of the Rainbow community who love sport to get out there. Go to the clubs, go to the sports organisation, take up the sport, get involved. The work is being done for them.”
Their journeys exemplify the resilience needed to break down old-fashioned stereotypes and inspire inclusivity in the sporting realm, standing as beacons of hope and catalysts for change as Aotearoa progresses towards a more inclusive sporting culture.