Hooked on Hook-Up Culture

Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.’ – Marilyn Monroe. Source: Markus Winkler / Pexels. 

Human sexuality and the discussions we have on it are nothing new. But lately, with younger generations it is more acceptable to openly talk about. While many challenge the definition of ‘sex’ and what it encompasses, the fundamentals of it can be very different for each person who chooses to experiment. 

So, let’s talk about sex. Casual sex, more specifically. 

“Casual sex refers to sexual activities between individuals who are not in a committed or romantic relationship. Usually more about physical pleasure and enjoyment, casual sex is less about emotional intimacy and is usually without the expectation of a long-term relationship,” said Jacqui Olliver. 

Olliver, the Founder of Psychosexual Alignment, regularly educates the public on real-life sex experiences and personal development. Through our connecting online, Olliver touched on the common misconceptions that are often linked with casual sex and hook-up culture, particularly the negative ones. 

“Common misconceptions about casual sex include the belief that it is inherently harmful or immoral, that those who engage in it lack self-respect, and that it prevents the formation of meaningful relationships. These stigmas often overlook the fact that many people can have casual sex while maintaining healthy emotional well-being and forming deep connections in other areas of their lives,” Olliver said. 

This is a refreshing and interesting take, as in society the opinions of others can be extremely detrimental to people’s hauora. This is no different to the way sex is viewed, and how it can demonise and cause erratic judgement - especially towards women. 

“I think that hook-up culture is slightly looked down on, especially with women which makes me feel sad because it’s not something that is shameful or embarrassing and does not make you ‘dirty’ or a ‘slut’", said M.G (she/her). 

“Women may face stigma for engaging in casual sex, especially across different cultures where they might be judged more harshly and seen as less desirable for long-term relationships,” said Maxi Xie, a certified Sex Counsellor and Sex Therapist. 

There are also conversations to be had about casual sex in the Rainbow community. 

“In Queer culture, particularly in Gay communities, stereotypes based on assignment roles also exist. Recently, the term ‘side’ has become popular and trendy, indicating someone who enjoys sexual activities that does not involve penetration,” said Xie. 

Casual sex, including its benefits and implications, has inserted its agenda in many television shows over the years. One of the most popular being the hit 90’s romantic-drama ‘Sex and the City’. Through the main female characters, particularly Samantha Jones, the show presents a sex-positive narrative around women seeking pleasure that isn’t always of a long-term nature. While it has its controversial moments, and rather aggravated portrayal of men, ‘Sex and the City’ is unapologetic, and really shines a light on how casual sex can be fresh and fun. 

My own collection of ‘Sex and the City’. Source: Olivia Welsh / Canta. 

Seeing this kind of lifestyle, amongst others, on the screen can be beneficial for those who don’t think their wants and needs are universal. I know that personally I enjoy seeing the turbulent actions of complex characters in television.  

“I think casual sex is shown more frequently online and on TV probably because people tend to be more open-minded and accepting,” said Olive (she/her). 

Due to the rising popularity of dating apps and shows like ‘Love Island’ and ‘Too Hot To Handle’, hook-up culture is easy to get involved in if one has the means. 

“The hook-up culture has really exploded, and the likes of Tinder, and Bumble and Hinge […] obviously there are a lot more options for people, and it’s a lot more accessible for people…More dating shows, and ‘trashy’ reality shows nowadays than there were, say, ten years ago,” said Tania (she/her). 

However, it is clear through talking with young adults who have engaged in hook-up culture themselves, that many have progressive views on the topic. 

“Casual sex can be great when the right boundaries are set, with clear expectations and communication. Hook-up culture is a big thing these days as less young adults are settling down with long-term partners,” said A.L (he/him). 

M.G had similar thoughts when asked to address the matter, stating that, “I am pro casual sex and hook-up culture. I believe that people should have the freedom to engage in consensual and safe sex practices if they want to.” 

While perception and acceptance are hugely discussed topics related to casual sex, it is the education and spreading of factually correct knowledge that must be addressed firsthand. Without it, people, including high school and university students, will be unaware of the precautions that should be taken to ensure they are having safe sex.  

“I find that most students have a lot of gaps in their knowledge, so I encourage people to have an open mind and be willing to learn off others,” said Rachael Dixon, a Senior Lecturer at the University of Canterbury. 

Dixon, who is situated within the School of Health Sciences, has researched and taught multiple courses around sexuality and contemporary health issues. 

“For me, for all of my classes but especially this one [Sexualities Education], a safe and supportive learning environment is critical. So, I set that up from the outset. Thus, students respect each other’s different perspectives,” said Dixon. 

“Our UC students are very good in this regard.” 

From communicating with individuals who are experts in the field of sex and relationships, there have been some challenges pointed out regarding approaching sex in a casual manner. These include the potential misleading and mixed messages that can be perceived by partners, a lack of knowledge around safe-sex practices and hook-up culture leading people to view intimacy as a transactional deal. 

The fear of slut-shaming, the possibility of over-sexualisation and development of a sex addiction have come up in conversation as well.  

But there are benefits that should not be overlooked despite the potential implications. Casual sex allows people to get to know what they like and don’t like when it comes to physical intimacy and offers the ability to learn and practice open communication within more adult situations. Having sex can be a form of self-expression that helps develop self-identity around sexuality and gender. 

Plus, it can feel good. 

Sex isn’t always about the long-term arrangement and can be a way to blow off steam and change up the trajectory of one’s life. 

“When your body functions properly, casual sex can release beneficial hormones like oxytocin, which promotes feelings of connection. This allows individuals to experience intimacy without the effort and stress involved in maintaining committed relationships,” said Olliver, regarding why sex may be sought out. 

With a shift in what is deemed acceptable topics of conversation, openly discussing sex has become more prevalent, especially amongst younger adults. This could be due to how it is presented in media and entrainment. With society wanting to share insights on other heavy topics, like STIs, abortion, and systemic issues within the LGBTQIA+ community, casual sex is just another way of expression. 

When it comes to discussing sex, and promoting the education of it, there are various ways to ensure all types of individuals are being included. However, it is important to remember that there is no ‘normal’ or ‘best’ way to go about it. 

“There is no one-size-fits-all approach to promoting sex education, especially in culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) communities. Sex education should be culturally sensitive and affirming, engaging with different cultural professionals, and communities to understand their unique needs and preferences,” said Xie. 

“Educators act as gateways for those seeking answers, and positive attitude is crucial. If they don’t know something, they should openly admit it.” 

In the end, everyone is different. It is perfectly fine to have sexual encounters on a casual and frequent basis with whomever you want, so long as it’s safe and consensual. It’s also fine to only want sex with a partner you’re in an emotionally intimate relationship with, or to not want to have sex at all. 

As trends come and go, it is important to remain true to yourself, and only do as much, or as little, as you’re comfortable with.