Past the Closet: Ever felt like an imposter?

Source: University of Canterbury.

This piece was provided to Canta by QCanterbury.  

When society considers somebody ‘Rainbow’, we regularly summon a particular picture in our minds. Rolled-up pants, an open colourful shirt, a white tank, a carabiner with keys, and maybe Doc Martens. It's a generalisation, but one that holds on in current modern society. This assumption barely encompasses the breadth in which people can express and present themselves in the Rainbow community. 

As a woman in a straight relationship, and a part of the QCanterbury exec, I struggle with my identity more than I care to admit. So when I was given this spot, I was concerned about what I may offer. 

Despite being involved in Rainbow leadership since high school, and that I identify as Rainbow – there are still confused faces. This leaves me wondering why I need to explain myself. Why can't I just exist in this space? 

One big factor is the theme of heteronormativity. Heteronormativity plays an important part in forming commonly-held societal views and desires. It is the idea that cisgender and heterosexual presentations are the default, and that all other presentations are well, others. 

If you think about it, our laws and even society regularly reinforce and support heteronormative standards. Gender reveal parties, options on forms, even what colour clothes we have available to us. By assuming that even on a micro level we only identify as male or female ignores the variety of different orientations such as those who identify as genderfluid or non-binary. 

Heteronormativity also pushes standards on connections, appearance, and conduct, sustaining hurtful generalisations and restricting one's independence. 

One of the foremost harmful impacts of heteronormativity is on mental well-being. Rainbow individuals, particularly those who don't conform to heteronormative guidelines, confront higher rates of homelessness and bullying. 

In Aotearoa alone, over 31% of Takatāpui/LGBTIQ+ youth have experienced homelessness and around 57% have experienced bullying. This ongoing pressure to comply with societal standards can lead to feelings of estrangement, self-doubt, and isolation. 

Exploring different personalities in a heteronormative world requires flexibility, self-affirmation, and community support. Challenging heteronormative convictions and pushing for comprehensive approaches and homes are fundamental steps towards making a more affirming and impartial society. 

‘Queer Imposter syndrome’ is a term that sheds light on the inner battles confronted by many in the Rainbow community. Signs of this syndrome appear in different forms, from self-image to feelings of discomfort surrounding one's appearance or personality. Constant comparison to others inside the community, whether in-person or through social media, worsens these uncertainties, making it incredibly hard to be authentic to individual self-expression. 

There are many challenges around seeking support outside the Rainbow community. Despite efforts from allies, lack of understanding and societal pressures further isolate individuals, intensifying feelings of alienation and inadequacy. 

Some Rainbow people even internalise negative societal attitudes about sex, sexuality, and diversity, and feel shame and loathing about their own identity. Pop culture's sensationalising of queer culture only adds to the pressure of proving one's authenticity, perpetuating a cycle of self-doubt. 

By embracing self-exploration through therapy and connecting with fellow LGBTQIA+ community members, individuals can begin to dismantle the walls of queer imposter syndrome. Small steps, such as attending Pride events or joining social groups, offer opportunities for genuine connection and validation of one's identity. 

Utilising self-affirming mantras serves as a powerful tool in moments of vulnerability, reaffirming one's worth and belonging within the community. It is important to recognise the individual journey of every person within the Rainbow community. Despite many seen and unseen forces, Rainbow individuals can flourish, and each of us can recognise the acceptance that has not come easily over the past century.  

Facing the limitations of heteronormativity and embracing the wide range of characteristics within the Rainbow community is crucial as we work through the complexity of queer imposter syndrome. 

When an inclusive and empathetic culture is fostered, people can freely express who they truly are without being constrained by false emotions. By uniting to appreciate the diversity of individual identities, we pave the way for a world that is more welcoming and inclusive. 

Most members of the Rainbow community recognises the strength and resilience created by adversity, and their different experiences enhance our collective fabric. Being queer is more than just a performance; it's a part of who you are and should be celebrated. 

If you’re asking yourself how you can be more inclusive and affirming, even just as a student at UC, start off by trying to not make assumptions. We know that some people struggle to ask people their pronouns but if you are not sure, please ask! Or keep it neutral to start, such as using they or them. 

For those with kids, try not to limit their options: provide a range of clothes and activities for a child, and allow them to gravitate to what appeals to them. 

Get involved! Support Pride Week, come by events and enjoy the awesome activities on offer. 

Each of our journeys are interesting and important. They deserve to be acknowledged and recognised. By rejecting heteronormative standards and cultivating a culture of inclusivity, we can create a world where everybody can flourish truly, slowly reforming societal expectations.  

Happy Pride!  

Clubs and Support Services 

QCanterbury 

QCanterbury is UC's queer club on campus. Their primary focus is to create safe social spaces for LGBTQIA+ students at UC. They organise a wide variety of events throughout the year and encourage community involvement. QCanterbury also provides a dedicated Rainbow room on campus in James Logie 107, often used for events and free for students to use as a friendly study or hangout space. 

Rainbow Engineering and Queer in Law (QUIL) 

These clubs cater to specific academic disciplines, providing support and community for LGBTQIA+ students within the Engineering and Law faculties. 

Rainbow Advisors 

UC has a team of Rainbow Advisors who offer support and guidance to LGBTQIA+ students throughout their time at the university. They can assist with various issues, including academic planning, transition-related support, and Rainbow-related enquiries or concerns. 

Counselling Services 

Free counselling services are available to any UC student who has paid the student levy. In addition to general counselling, the Rainbow Advisor team can help students find appropriate support services specific to their needs. 

University of Canterbury Students' Association (UCSA) 

UCSA offers various support services and social groups for students, including those within the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Moana Vā and Qtopia 

These organisations provide additional support and resources for LGBTQIA+ students, and those who identify as Maori or Pasifika.  

Helplines 

OutLine Aotearoa, Youthline, and Lifeline Aotearoa offer helpline support for individuals in need of assistance or someone to talk to. These helplines operate at various times throughout the day and offer confidential support to those in crisis.