Breaking up to Love better
Campaign video set in Ōtautahi on the LoveBetter Tiktok.
Break-ups suck.
Whether it’s been nine months, four years, two unsuccessful dates or just a shameful ghost after a hook up, there will inevitably be an ounce or a ton of pain that lingers.
I’ve always believed I’m a break-up connoisseur. There is a profound thrill about helping someone guide the way through heartbreak, and as an empath, I yearn for nothing more than helping the broken hearted through a tough time. I truly thought I understood the nuts and bolts of heartache, but I was abundantly wrong.
I’ll never forget dangerously driving down the highway en route to end things with my first boyfriend, blasting For Real This Time by Gracie Abrams. After guiding my friends through what they should say to their partners, or whilst rubbing their backs whilst they cry, it seemed rather straight forward to me. Until it was my turn.
Queue the waterworks, the inconsistent breathing, the terrible driving, and the lack of appetite. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Love Better NZ have set out to solve this problem. They are a prevention campaign aimed at fostering safe, positive, and equal relationships. Helping the youth of today navigate their way through healthier, sexier (my words not theirs lol) and safer relationships.
“So we thought okay, break ups are universal, probably everyone is going to go through one at some point in their life. Let’s start there” said Zaffa Christian, leader of the Love Better campaign.
If you’re a TikTok fanatic or up to date with Aotearoa’s youth media channels, I’m sure you’ve come across the ‘What’s it like dating in Invercargill’ videos, or the Sushi Ball House dude (Tom Hunter) and Verboten Intern chatting about masculinity in relationships. Communicating through media partners such as VICE NZ and Shit You Should Care About, Love Better NZ is dominating the social scene through its refreshing, raw and gentle content. There’s an essence of tender satisfaction whilst discussing the ebbs and flows your previous relationships, and there’s a mass amount of reflection.
Aimed at the youth of our generation,‘Love Better is a primary prevention campaign aimed at fostering safe, positive and equal relationships. It is a whole-of-population campaign that aims to disrupt and/or shift harmful discourses and behaviours around relationships that are universal and affect all young people. They’re currently in phase one, honing in on the core of it all: break ups.
As the women behind the campaign, Christian chatted to me about what they have been up to and what their goals are. I dove straight into the most important ‘need to know’ with her. Why Love Better?
“We created the campaign to support young people to have like safer healthier relationships essentially, and it really kind of came out of the ‘It’s Not Ok’ campaign, which is a family violence campaign, but was never developed with young people in mind.”
Christian explained that the insertion of the publics personal opinions has created funny, heartfelt and relatable content, lighting the match to spark necessary conversations that may remain in the chamber of the mind.
“Who better to tell their stories than young people themselves” she said.
Throughout the interview, the values of normalisation, relatability and owning the feels popped up regularly, where Christian entails the benefits of personal commentary from the public.
As a passionate empath, it is so refreshing to see and hear other youth giggle about their flings or shed a tear whilst mending their broken hearts. In this current day and age, we can be grateful for our Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Justin Bieber and Billie Eilish anthems that provide an outlet for heartbreak relatability through music. But not very often do we hear our own kiwi voices shine a light on heartache through conversational fashion, until now.
“When you’re thinking about things like break ups, it’s really important to normalize the feelings of hurt. I think that sometimes people who are a lot older and have been through relationships know they can get through it, and you can fall in love again” explained Christian.
“But when that particularly happens for the first time it is really devastating for people and we never really acknowledge the hurt.”
She dove into the concept of relatability in this campaign, reiterating the contagiousness of hope, where personal storytelling may promote “light at the end of the tunnel.”
As Men’s Mental Health month concludes, Christian reiterates the importance of this relatability in terms of young men. “[Relatability] creates what we call permission giving, particularly for young men. You know, hearing other young men talk about their feelings, it gives permission for other men to start to open up about their feelings.”
Photo/LoveBetter NZ. A still from the LoveBetter campaign.
As a loyal Shit You Should Care about listener/reader, I was ecstatic to hear of their new podcast series “Own the Feels”. At my laid-back computer desk job, I would pop my headphones on and vigorously nod my head in agreeance to Lucy and Liv as they offer their opinions on real life break up situations. Vice NZ has also been distributing a massive amount of content with a tasteful touch for light-hearted heartbreak anecdotes that I’ve grown an investment with.
Christian explained that having both Vice and SYSCA involved helps to reach a huge audience. “Vice skews slightly more male and SYSCA skews slightly more female so it’s about a really good balance with those two kind of working as our main partners” she said.
There is no written handbook on dealing with a breakup, or in a more modern age, a TikTok tutorial. Christian explained that effective data has been drawn from the “It’s Not Ok” campaign to show that a lot of harm occurs during a breakup, in terms of self-harm and harming ex partners.
“I guess what we’re really asking young people to do is to lean into their feelings. As we talked about earlier, seeing other young people go through it shows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.”
The relatability/storytelling content provides a stepping stone for people to get in touch with the Love Better helpline service. By texting 234, calling 0800 376 633, or emailing lovebetter@youthline.co.nz, people will be connected with a trained Youth line councillor in confidence.
“It’s very much about the young person who’s calling in for help, kind of leading that conversation, you can go as deep as you want, you can disclose whatever you want.”
Christain touched on a concept used by the councillors, that really warms my heart. If something comes up during the conversation that might appear more serious and specialized than the workers abilities, they will provide what they call, a ‘gentle handshake’.
“They will gently hold that person by the hand not in a literal way, and kind of make that connection for them to a specialist kind of service that they might need.”
It’s no surprise to hear that break ups cause more harm than meets the eye, but what’s interesting to me is to hear what pulled the trigger for the Ministry of Social Development to acknowledge break ups as a threat to healthy relationships.
“When we were looking at that first entry point, we did a lot of foundational research, and actually break ups is the thing that kept coming up for young people, that they were struggling with and that they were seeing harm.”
Nine weeks in of Love Better, they have gained 6214 TikTok followers, and have commenced phase one, how good!
Christian reveals that the evidence is starting to brew, and data is being analysed in preparation for phase two next year in June. So keep your eyes, ears and hearts peeled for more information.
As I said my thank yous’ and goodbyes to the lovely Christian, she stopped me in my tracks and said,
“Hey! You didn’t ask me my favourite break up song!”
I giggle at my forgetfulness at the most important question of the lot. “Oh gosh I took it off the list for time reasons! What is your favourite break up song, Zaffa?”
“Well, I’m obviously much older than the cohort but it has to be Love will tear us apart by Joy Division.”
Thank goodness she’s the queen of knowing how to Love Better because goodness, just had a quick google search of that song, and it is sad. So glad we have wonderful ministry workers like Christian who are passionate about mending the youth of today into healthier relationships and teaching us to love better. We kiwis are so lucky.
The days are getting colder, possibly darker and sometimes relationships can get a little rocky. Chat to your mates, engage in the Love Better campaign or even message the helpline. For help, all you have to do is light the match, own the feels and get back on track in order to love, and be loved better.