Like Prometheus giving fire to the mortal realm, I can only assume a god from above came down and blessed Chile with completos. For the uninitiated, a completo is a hotdog with a frankfurter sausage, smashed avocado, diced tomato, and a seriously generous topping of mayonnaise. Restaurants serving completos will accompany this with chunky fries, tomato sauce and mustard to apply to one’s taste. This is not the traditional version of a completo, but it is the most popular. The delicacy is dubbed the Italiano, as the ingredients match the colours of the Italian flag.

This incredible amalgamation of flavours fueled my semester abroad in Chile. I have accumulated a series of completos for your consideration if you, the reader, ever make it to that weirdly long country.

The After School Completo – Fuel for the academic weapon.

Much to my surprise, when I touched down in Chile for my semester abroad I was informed that I would actually be required to attend classes and study. Can you believe they would do this to me? I had reason to believe my exchange was going to be road trips around South America, surfing, parties, music gigs, rowdy football matches and eating every exotic delicacy I could get my grubby mitts on, however ghastly it looked (guinea pig on a stick). While I did indulge in the local cuisine and make the most of experiencing all there was to do in Chile, I also had many late nights of study.

In Chile, the professor of each class releases the grades of all the students in a single spreadsheet, meaning there is little left to the imagination about how your classmates performed. I never imagined the daunting experience of checking LEARN could be beat. However, this gave me extra motivation to make sure I was doing well. As the only New Zealander around, and a representative for our fine institution I had to represent.

Every day university finished at 5pm. I assumed this was a perfectly reasonable time to go and get dinner. Unfortunately for me, South Americans prefer 8-9pm for their final meal of the day, so it was often a struggle to convince them to join me. My second ploy was skipping the last class to have to have a 3pm meal and call it lunch. This was an easier sell - students are the same everywhere. Either way, it was the perfect detox from hearing about Chilean Economic History for the last hour and a half. Instead, I was fueling the present Chilean economy with what I can only assume is a major contributor and could be the key to driving sustainable growth in Chile, driving the economy away from overreliance on natural resources… is what I told my professor. He wasn’t having it.

The Hungover Completo - Chile’s version of a Maccas run.

I can say one thing for sure. You will lose more calories going to a party that plays Reggaeton than one playing DnB. Your shoulders move of their own volition when you hear those drums. In order to replace the lost energy after such an event, you need to find a spot to refuel. The Chilean version of going for a souvlaki after a night on the strip is hitting the nearest food spot for empanadas, chorrillana (meat on chips, plus pan-fried eggs) or the ubiquitous completo.

The choice is dependent on a multitude of factors. Location, time and who accompanies you. If you’ve just left a club or party in one of the more hairy parts of town, although this can make the party more interesting and the characters you meet outside more noteworthy, I would choose to get right into an Uber and stave off your hunger until you get home. Refuel with whatever is left in the fridge.

Regardless of where you are, if it's at a time of night your mother would be surprised to get a text from you at, I suggest also going home. Finally, if you’re alone in either of these situations, go home.

Now. If you’ve danced long enough that night has become day, and the sky is beginning to lighten, and you’re amongst friends, this is the time to stumble over to the completo spot. In my opinion, it’s the best quick food option for the task of recovery. The bread acts as a sponge, soaking up those pisco sour shots you shouldn’t have had just as you were leaving. The hotdog contains the protein to regain your energy levels, and the avo and tomato are there to enrich your tummy with the vitamins it so desperately needs. The perfect mix to enable you to get back on the dancefloor as soon as possible.

PHOTO: Stephen, taken by his friend Marcus.

The Breakfast Completo – Begone overpriced muesli.

Far from the endless barrage of highly structured morning routines, life optimization and hyper productivity content that floods social media, there is another method to maximize fulfillment and energize for the day. The old “I can’t be bothered to make breakfast, I’ll just get a completo at the food truck before class” trick. A tale old as time.

The question then emerges: is the deliciousness of the completo a perfect start to the day or shooting yourself in the foot? Setting yourself for disappointment that you’ll never top your breakfast? This becomes a philosophical question that depends on one's disposition. If you’re a nihilistic doomer with a lot of study to do, perhaps it is best kept as a reward for getting through another day, like the classic beer at the Foundry. In my case, I had the zeal and positive outlook to start the day on a high and keep going up, and if all else fails you can always go again for lunch. Gone are my days of Weet-Bix and instant coffee. A new breakfast of champions has claimed the title.

The Double Completo – Not for the faint of heart.

I will keep this one short and sweet. The double can give you the bliss you’re searching for, but it can also ruin your day. Joey Chestnut has won 16 hotdog eating contests. This man has my utmost respect as well as my intense curiosity about what happens afterwards. Is his toilet still operational? Because after eating two, I’ve often felt like I was exploding. In other instances I felt like I had the energy and vitality to lift a car. The results are hit or miss, but it's a challenge to finish them, so in the end you gain a sense of satisfaction regardless. It’s like getting 4-5 pies from Chiltons. A worthwhile endeavor.

The First Date Completo – A gamble worth taking.

This one is the riskiest but also possesses the highest upside (true love). My original thought process concluded that if you can successfully manoeuvre through the eating of a completo in a respectable and civilized manner, you are well on your way to impressing your date. In turn, a bad performance will see you dripping copious amounts of sauce on the plate and mustard left on your nose or the corners of your mouth. This may be the last thing you remember before the potential love of your life asks for the bill.

In my experience, when you take a step back from the disaster you paint in your head, a moment of clarity strikes. Would someone who is worth seeing again really care? Perhaps the real test is not about how you manage to eat like a distinguished gentleman, like Trump does with his knife and fork KFC habit, but instead to see if your date finds the sauce on your face endearing rather than a prompt for the ever looming ‘ick’. Best to get it out of the way now. If they can laugh at the tomato sauce on your cheek, they’re also likely to view your overly long anecdote at the potluck dinner in 6 months still cute, rather than grounds for informing you that you peaked in high school. A true social experiment, and an enlightening way to analyse your compatibility without learning each other's star signs.

To sum it up, there really is no such thing as a wrong time for a completo. That is the beauty of a completo. It's versatile and suitable for any occasion. Simple, tasty, somewhat nutritious. What's not to like? Well, if I tried to replicate it here in NZ, probably the price.

I spent a lot of money. You can make it there, or somewhere else amazing if you sign-up for an exchange.

It's easy. Even me, a business student, figured it out

The Top Five Completos, or the rationalisations of an exchange student

The Rise of Run Clubs