Brews, Booze, and Bold Costumes: Mastering the Madness of Tea Party

Just Juice’s getting lit on the D-floor in 2023. Source: UCSA 

The University of Canterbury rite of passage can only be complete through the survival of our biggest bash of the year: Tea Party. 

If you’re a UC student and you want to celebrate the end of lectures, what do you do? Oh, maybe celebrate with a nice, quiet tea party. Just you, a cozy blanket, and a thoughtful selection of herbal teas... 

Wrong.  

Forget the tea, and forget the blanket. Tea Party is less civilised high tea and more instead, boil the kettle, chuck it out the window, and replace it with 3000 students, three stages, and a solid chunk of the year’s wardrobe budget spent on a costume you won’t remember wearing by noon. 

Here's your survival guide for a day of sun, music, and questionable life choices that’ll stick with you as much as the body paint in your crevices. Courtesy of you, our loyal Canta readers, here’s not only my advice – but yours. 

1. Do line your tummy

As tempting as it may be to start the day with a dart and a hyoketsu at 6am, eating breakfast is excruciatingly necessary to survive the day. Get your mates together and grab a solid brekkie—think carbs, grease, the works. My flat favourite is croissants with ham and cheese and possibly tomato if the budget is flexible. You’ll need that fuel to last the day, and let’s be real, the more you eat, the longer you’ll be upright. 

2. Don’t be a dick, enjoy the rave 

Arguing with police that your drink wasn’t actually open or convincing a security guard that you didn’t just piss on the fence is just a waste of time. You’d be lucky to end up in the too-drunk tent if your lippy-ness doesn’t get you kicked out, so don’t be a dick, just enjoy the rave. 

3. Do something creative, Look Sharp is overrated. 

Some costumes are just too played out—Ice Spice, Minions, and Where’s Wally led the pack of “please stop” looks in Canta’s recent Tea Party survey. Seriously, if you’re dressed as a road cone this year, just know, people are tired of dodging you on the dance floor.  

Some survey favourites included the blokes from 22 Jump Street, a three-person dinosaur, and even a group dressed as cutlery took the top spots for most creative. Shoutout to the brave souls who showed up as asbestos removal specialists—bold and oddly relevant.  

4. Don’t bring drinks to the event 

Put the 20 bucks aside. It’s a lot cheaper to buy a couple drinks than to receive a $250 fine due to liquor bans.  

5. Don’t question why, just drink the wai. 

Ironically many people answering the survey are most definitely bar staff, who clearly wanted to have their say before you all bombard them with dumb questions or harassment. So, from your future bartender: 

“If we tell you to just drink water or only have one drink, babe just do it. We want you to have a great Tea Party and not get removed cause you're too drunk.” 

And in all caps, this person said:  “DONT ASK FOR RED BULL/V AND VODKA/ANY OTHER SPIRIT (we legally cannot serve them).” I think they feel very deeply about this one.  

6. Don’t wake up at 3am…. Wake up at 4! 

Simon survey says 4am is best. But personally, you’ll never make kick ons with that sort of behaviour. For first timers, sure, give six before six a whirl, but don’t expect that your 9am nap will refresh you before the event. On that note, don’t fold before getting in there. The pounding headache that will abruptly wake you up at 2 pm with the sound of the doof 400m away will just make you sad. 

This Giraffe looked like she was having a lot of fun. Source: UCSA.  

7. Do drink responsibly. 

But the survey results say otherwise. I am going to override every answer saying that “a box” is the appropriate amount before Tea Party, because you my friends, are kidding yourselves. A box is the perfect segue to a blackout, and don’t you want to remember the fire chicken nuggets you’re going to have?  

Ultimately, some key words of advice are don’t try run from the police, don’t go too hard too early, get your money’s worth of free food, sunscreen is a must, chill out on the bag, try not to look cute, and eat beforehand.  

And a special word of advice from a concussed queen: “Don’t fall over on the way to tea party and concuss yourself xx (almost 12 months later I’m still dealing with concussion issues).” 

2023’s wonderful Tea Party bar staff.  

Source: UCSA