The Flat Situation: Navigating Conflict in Shared Living Spaces

Always have someone to confide in and do things with 

Source: Matheus Ferrero / Pexels.  

A common living arrangement in Ōtautahi, most of us are no strangers to flatting and shared living.  

It can be an exciting time especially if your flatmates are good friends, or people you’re enjoying getting to know, but there is always potential for problems.  

“The most common conflicts are the small things. These are often over expectations and responsibilities of each member of the household,” said Dr Tracy Clelland, a Health and Wellbeing Educator and adjacent in the faculty of Health at UC. 

These conflicts can include who is taking the longest shower, and using up all the hot water to dirty dishes left in the sink, or even noisiness at night.  

“While all of these things may be small on their own, their cumulation can lead to people in the house becoming increasingly frustrated with others,” Clelland said.  

Knowing when flat drama is starting up is the first step to nipping it in the bud. While conflict isn’t always regarded as a ‘bad’ thing, some of the social impacts can make it hard to return to normalcy after things have been sorted. 

“Signs of flat drama becoming unhealthy could be if there is any sort of passive aggressiveness,” said Tania, an experienced flatter. 

“Doing things as a flat in general strengthens bonds,” said Hamish. 

Approaching conflict resolution by bringing up the issue as soon as it occurs is important to ensure that the situation is remedied, and there is no resentment. 

“Like any household, setting clear boundaries/guidelines/expectations at the start, and then regularly revisiting them, helps let everyone know what their ‘rights’ are as a flatmate, but also their ‘responsibilities’,” Clelland said. 

One of the main points brought up is just how much socialising with housemates outside of a living space matters, like doing activities to destress and promote positive vibes.  

“I am currently living with one of my best friends and it has been awesome overall. The main challenge I’ve noticed is figuring out how to balance being friends and flatmates, finding that boundary can be tricky sometimes,” said another well versed flatter, Makayla. 

But depending on the individual, moving outside of your comfort zone may be more beneficial. Flatting with new people may open up opportunities for new friendships.  It is all about making sure that everything is organised from the get-go, and those living together are aware of what is expected of them.  

“Research shows that when you ask what is working, people feel listened to and start saying what isn’t working well. This opens the opportunity to say what we can all do differently, and what might work better,” Clelland said. 

Apart from the interpersonal aspect of flatting that can cause issues, Aotearoa’s housing quality problems have resulted in over half of people rating their overall life satisfaction poorly according to Stats NZ. This includes more frequent sickness due to exposure to damp and cold homes, declining physical and mental wellbeing.  

Regardless of how well conflicts can be navigated from the maturity and problem-solving expertise of renters, there are always overarching matters that boundary-setting and open dialogue cannot solve. But that is a consideration much larger than reflecting on university students’ social flatting experiences.   

To approach conflict in sharing living spaces, individuals I’ve spoken to boast communication, honesty, and keeping unity as the most crucial. Keeping up with activities outside of the flat is also very important to keep bonds strong.