How To Escape A Mosh Pit
- RIDE SOMEONE’S COATTAILS – LITERALLY OR FIGURATIVELY
The best way to get out of a mosh pit is to get into someone’s slipstream. Let them do all the pushing and shoving, while you slink on out. And if you’re lazy, just grab their back flaps (of their jacket, don’t be squeezing people’s ass cheeks).
- BUST OUT THE SPRINKLER DANCE
Do this really fast; it helps if you are sweating profusely. When your bodily fluids start flinging over people and you’ve inadvertently cracked a few people in the head, make your move, and fast, because from experience people like the back of their heads not getting cracked. Precious, I know.
- TICKLE PEOPLE
I can’t say that I’ve ever used this technique, but I’m sure the guy in the Metallica T-shirt that’s head banging would dig it.
- MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE FRONT
You can be pulled from the craziness by a security guard if you manage to get there. You’ll have lost your shoes and watch by that stage, but the guards will be looking for people in trouble. Just like a surf lifesaver, they’ll pluck you up and send you on your way.
This is the one sure way to clear a crowd. You best be desperate though, because you may get a terrible nickname for the rest of your life, especially if you shart. You also may just be the dick at the concert. Your choice.