How To blend in at uc
THE UNI BRO
What to wear: Secondhand shirt, chino shorts, jandals, and an adventurous five-panel.
Where to find them: Any bar or venue with a seedy vibe. Alternatively, if this one fails try an ENSOC BBQ.
Accessorise with: A longboard and an air of nonchalance.
THE UNI CHICK
What to wear: Long-back shirt paired with activewear tights or ¾ length pants. Complete the look with white sneakers, and a ponytail.
Where to find them: In a flat with a sunroom.
Accessorise with: A Macbook in a soft-case, and a Country Road canvas bag.
Where to find them: Join one of the million (okay it’s about 10) different Christian clubs on campus.
Why you should hang out with them: To practice your debating skills.
How to approach them: Bible in hand, name tag on shirt.
Where to find them: One of the many computer labs, they’ll be LANing or DOTA2-ing or something.
Why you should hang out with them: They’ll help you improve your ganking skills.
How to approach them: Gently so as not to startle them, wearing your favourite game t-shirt.
Where to find them: Trying to coordinate stoners is like trying to hard cats; they are disparate by nature. That being said, try the Ilam Fields at 4:20PM on a Friday.
Why you should hang out with them: For the good company/drugs.
How to approach them: With a lighter and papers, or snacks.
What to wear: Baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up, knitted jersey or turtleneck, and a small beanie.
Where to find them: In all likelihood hanging around the Fine Arts section of the University. If this fails. Try the Darkroom, Wunderbar, Penny Lane, or C1 once the sun has gone down.
Why you should hang out with them: You’ll get some sweet music advice (provided said music hasn’t sold over platinum).
Where to find them: Try one of the clubs, like Young Labour, or follow the posters on the noticeboards advertising some kind of protest or another.
Why you should hang out with them: Don’t let the man get you down.
How to approach them: With a placard.
THE ADULT STUDENTS
Where to find them: Probably at their own house.
Why you should hang out with them: To get some life tips.
How to approach them: By forgetting what you’ve learned at school/university. Knowledge comes through experience.