CANTA issue #9, 2017


Kinda funny story here Canta. My so called “blind date” is a chicken-shit, scummy piece of crap who couldn’t even look me in the eyes. Make sure that everyone reading knows that NAME REDACTED is a total scumbag and not to date him.

I saw him coming and I started laughing because I KNEW it was him expecting another clueless first year, and he had no idea what was coming. I made sure everyone in Spags knew he was a cheater. I was yelling at him before the door even opened. I wish I wasn’t so fired up, because I could have taken a pic of his face. He honestly had no idea what hit him and went bright red.

Afterwards I thought shit… what if he wasn’t the date??… it was pretty obvious it was in the end (and weirdly I had a premonition that something weird was going to happen) but regardless I don’t think he will be showing his face around Riccarton for a while. By the way NAME REDACTED you looked really bloated and your skin looked like my dinner.

The first good thing he did was leave. Before that he left his voucher for me (so he should). Trying to be a gentleman about it but I basically just told him to fuck off. Yeah I kept the voucher though lol. I called my mum and my sister down to the restaurant and we had a good laugh and an awesome dinner with stuff to take home. I was still shaking with adrenaline by the time we left but it’s one for the storybooks.


Thanks to CANTA I finally got a chance to have a date to cure my dry spell. I also had the chance to wear my ‘guaranteed to smash’ outfit. Chinos, shirt and blazer. New shoes. Showing a bit of cheeky ankle even though it͛s basically snowing. I smelt good, I looked good, my hair was fresh.

I turned up to this Lucky Dip date and pretty much turned around and left again. Somehow I’d been paired up with my ex-girlfriend’s little sister. Her entire family hate me because I basically cheated on her for a year with randoms and ruined her first year at UC. I know it’s a bad move from me but I was a fresher and should have broken up with her months earlier.

Sorry CANTA but there’s no blind date happening with this chick. I’m lucky she didn’t throw her drink at me. Really sorry there’s no happy ending here. I’m keen to try again but I think I need to see who I will be meeting up with.

Cheers and sorry CANTA. Appreciate the effort lads.
Lucky Dip #3 1