Winston Peter's Lockdown Timetable

6:00am: Wake up

6:05am: Have a cigarette and a black coffee

6:15am: Shower

6:35am: Put on clothing

7:05am: Have a cigarette

7:10am: Eat breakfast of Weetbix and milk

7:35am: Read newspaper

7:36am: Immediately get angry at newspaper

8:00am: Turn on old-timey radio to listen to news

8:01am: Immediately get angry at radio news

8:30am: Have a cigarette

8:35am: Sulk about positive media coverage of Jacinda

9:00am: Ring Jacinda – straight to voicemail

9:01am: Banter on phone with Shane Jones

9:55am: Have a cigarette

10:00am: Attempts to join Zoom meeting for epidemic response

10:30am: Swear at computer, give up attempting to join Zoom meeting, have a cigarette.

10:40am: Flick Jacinda a message, get left on seen.

10:45am: Turn on Trackside, cry because there’s no races to bet on.

11:30am: Prank call Simon Bridges

11:40am: Have a cigarette

11:45am: Lunch

1:00pm: Join Cabinet meeting via telephone (Zoom too difficult)

3:00pm: Have a cigarette

3:05pm: Tell some journalists they suck at their jobs

4:00pm: Nap

5:00pm: Have a cigarette and crate bottle

5:10pm: Cook dinner (meat and 3 veg)

5:40pm: Eat dinner

6:00pm: Watch news

6:01pm: Immediately get angry at news

7:00pm: Have a cigarette

7:10pm: Fall asleep