How To Survive A Burglary

  1. STASH IT, DON’T FLASH IT

Hey, good on you for having the latest iPhone, iPod, iMac, i-whatever-the-fuck-else Apple make and/or other pricey accessories that makes your life more awesome. If you want to keep said articles, stash them. Burglars move fast; expensive stuff lying around gets five-fingered, whereas things hidden out of sight have a chance of being passed by. True story.

  1. FOUR WORDS: LOCK UP YOUR SHIT

Hate to break it up to you, lovelies, but your dad’s tried and true “back in my day we left the car running with the keys in it and I didn’t even lock my door when I went on holiday” speil just doesn’t cut it anymore. Lock the doors and shut the windows before you leave all of them. It’s also a prerequisite of most insurance policies. You know, that insurance policy, that you can’t afford.

  1. GOOD AFTABLE CONSTANOON

If some douchebag severely lacking a moral compass does end up making off with your prized possession(s), (note: check with your flatties first, maybe they just borrowed your velour onesie without telling you, or hid your phone as a “joke”), notify the Police immediately – don’t be blasé about it. A police report is essential to make your insurance claim, and you want to sort that shit pronto.

  1. LASTLY, THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT

A quick google search will hook you up with various apps that can help you trace your phone/tablet/laptop if it goes walkabouts – e.g. Find My iPhone, and Find My Mobile (Android users). The police don’t spend much energy on student burglary claims, so this could provide some crucial leads in an otherwise dead-end case.