Tip 3: Straight To The Source.
Move fast. Make it dancey. Shimmy towards the kitchen bench. Jerky arm movements help. You’re Lorde. You are that diabetic from primary school that one time. You are your mum in the front row of Maroon 5. This is where you single out your source of booze carelessly left on the bench. Enough weird dance movements will make people scatter. You’ve now graduated to the Drunk Person Feeling Themselves In The Kitchen.
Tip 4: Open sesame.
Move fast and efficiently. You don’t really have time for mixers or ice, but be my guest… if you want to be exposed for what you really are. Taking a mouthful from each bottle is perfect. When you swig, don’t move your head too much. Move like you wear a neckbrace. The less you move the better. No looking behind you, no second guessing. Do it quickly, and confidently. Now BOOST. You’re back in the fold, dancing in the lounge with the guy in the BK crown. Now you’re requesting Pitbull.
This is a cycle you can repeat on the hour, every hour. No more, no less. As each hour ticks past, the process will get easier. Tell me; what party have you been in that you’ve kept a tally of your bottle’s contents until it’s too late? Yeah, that’s right.
A word of caution: this whole process is gross. You will be hungover. Nothing will taste nice. You’re a bottom rung bandit and you know it. But at the end of the day, you’re comfortable, your eftpos card is dormant, and you have a wee bottle of room temprature voddy in your cargos. Win.
CANTA DISCLAIMER: DON’T DO ANY OF THIS.