Velvet Cake
Completely free of Harry Potter references. Except for that one.
History's earliest philosophers were concerned with many things. The nature of humanity and the universe. The basis on which we could forge a successful society. The ideal length of beard to demonstrate one's esoteric intelligence without coming off as that crazy guy you sometimes pass at the bus stop. But the issue that trumped them most was how one would define a cake.
It is a quandary that troubles us to this day. In this very column we have been faced with the dilemma on several occasions, particularly when assessing the cakeworthiness of a piece of slice. Is it in it's shape and size? If so, how does one account for the divergent forms of cake; namely, those of a cup persuasion, and those of a more considerable circumference? Is it in its ingredients? Must a cake be sweet, or can it head in the savoury direction? What distinguishes a cake from a muffin? Is it only a matter of terminology, and can anything with the suffix "cake" slapped on it be considered so? As you can see, with dilemmas of this sort, it's hard to imagine how we manage to achieve anything else in life. This week, we look at a cake of unusual form, and attempt to discover its inner secrets.
Velvet Cake
Cake Categories: red-tinged, muffin-esque
Price: $5.00
Available from: Beauvais, Avonhead
Construction, Texture, and Structural Integrity
I feel we might have been duped with this one, though reasoning one’s way through it presents some challenges. It’s sold as cake, but it’s size, shape, and icing distribution is extremely close to that of a muffin. But again, this puts us in a place of cake identity crisis. What defines a cake?
There is generally no issue with defining a cupcake as a “cake”, but does it remain so when it grows to these mid-sized dimensions? Were one to increase it even further, it would undoubtedly be considered a cake. Can we therefore say that, using the same form of sweet batter, can we graph the nature of cake/muffin thusly:
Perhaps were it a more savoury recipe we would assess it so:
As is often a risk with cupcakes, areas of the surface had grown marginally dry, the effect of unintentional overcooking. Given that a cake of this type has greater surface area exposed to heat than one would find in a normal slice of cake, it means the dryness causes a more significant degradation of the overall cake quality, though it goes not so far as to cause a fundamental failure of the product.
The defining feature of a velvet cake is the maroon undertones, likely achieved through the addition of red food colouring. With the myriad of chocolate options available, perhaps this just serves as a means to create a largely artificial distinction; a brief burst of novelty to persuade the buyer that they are not just enjoying the same humdrum chocolate cake as usual (not that chocolate could ever be truly deemed “humdrum”). Certainly, it adds little, apart from a brief exclamation by less experienced cake connoisseurs of “oh, it’s red”.
The top of the cake was spread roughly with cream cheese icing in the homemade (read: haphazard) style. A more thorough coating may have gone some way to distinguishing it more from its muffin brethren.
Taste
The highlight was the cream cheese icing, proving once more than it is able to solve just about all ills, and were one to market it as a cake unto itself (not quite cheesecake) then they would make a great deal of profit and would be responsible for a great many coronary episodes.
As for the cake itself, the taste indeed remains a mild chocolate; not particularly rich, not particularly bland, leaving very little for one to talk about. Except maybe the weather: cold, isn’t it? One would think it was winter or something, a time when it’s blindingly obvious that it’s going to be cold most days. But no, go ahead; keep on talking about it, maybe at some point it’ll become interesting.
Extras
Purchased in takeaway form, the cake was presented in an attractive brown paper bag for easy transport. This confined space did however cause some icing to smudge on to the bag, leaving a thick cream cheese of residue behind. Were it purchased from a more specialised cake vendor one might expect it to be imprisoned in a box of some kind, but such luxuries cannot be reasonably expected under the circumstances, especially when the cake’s form is more suggestive of a muffin than your conventional cake executions.
Concluding Thoughts
Though this may be the muffin-esque wolf to the cake’s sheep’s clothing, it is still a fairly worthy specimen; more transportable than a regular slice of cake, but more satisfying than a cupcake. Still, if your aim is pure sustenance - as might be suggested if you were taking it away - then a muffin might prove to be the superior option; and if you’re wanting a relaxing dine-in experience, a slice of cake is far more of a treat. So, I don’t know, maybe take this one to a morning tea or something. Or afternoon tea. Elevensies, maybe. The choice, dear reader, is entirely yours.*
(* I thought it was a nice touch to give you the feeling of choice at the end. It’s all empowering and what-not, isn’t it?)
