Reviews

Walking on sunshine, which actually makes for a rather grislier outcome than the song would suggest.

Markets generally exemplify all that is evil and dastardly on this troubled planet of ours. Oh, sure, they might seem all friendly and whimsical; full of craftspeople selling their wares in a less commercialised system than most, vendors selling fine foods exotic and exquisite, and jocular entertainment galore. But go a little deeper and you’ll find a decidedly different picture.

Most of the wares on sale are the sort of thing one would never buy in another setting - not because they wouldn’t be available (they wouldn’t), but because they’re entirely subpar. That pincushion with the kitten embroidered astride its surface would never make it in any self-respecting emporium, but stick it on a trestle table in a tent advertised by a poorly-made sign and suddenly it’s all-twee-as-fuck. Don’t get me started on the paua shells encrusted with stray bits of glitter and beads. The food is overpriced and often of inferior quality, and even if you find something worthwhile, the prevailing winds will season it with dust and silt and the bits of random detritus swirling through these lanes of hell. The jocular entertainment is the same guy you sometimes see on the bus, swaddled in a crinkly synthetic raincoat, only now he’s got face paint on. Oh, and the customers. Plenty of fairly normal people, to be sure, but decidedly riddled by an underbelly of second-hand dealers and hawkers who’ll swoop on anything vaguely resembling an heirloom in order to make a quick buck. Don’t get me started on the buskers.

Fortunately, the new Wednesday market on campus has filtered out all the undesirable elements and kept things at a respectable standard. The stalls, by and large, are selling decent goods that have been crafted or procured by care by their proprietors, the entertainment is solid - everyone loves donkeys and those little mini pigs - and there’s nary a pushy second-hand prospector in sight. 

And then there’s the food. The food has made Wednesdays a prospect that is at once both thrilling and distressing. Thrilling because there’s such an array of amazing options on offer, from souvlaki to bratwurst to crepes to waffles (no substandard quince jams in sight). Distressing because there’s such an array of amazing options on offer, from souvlaki to bratwurst to cr - well, you get the picture. It just becomes too difficult to decide what’s worth shelling out one’s student allowance for, and so you end up buying everything, and fall into an overstuffed stupor for your afternoon classes, looking to all the world like a dazed fish. Such an enviable position in which to be.

There is, of course, one solution to all this, and if it comes as a surprise then you’re likely a bit slow, for the title of this column and it’s generally-established schtick kind of gives it away: cake. Namely, the cupcake stall run by a comely lass who is responsible for all the baked goods on offer there. And though it was the bountiful cupcakes for which her stall was most known, sitting proudly on display, it was the big ol’ regular cake in which we were most interested.*

(* And maybe the cat cookies, too. It’s just not a market stall without something cat-themed.)

COCONUT & RASPBERRY GATEAUX

CATEGORIES: market-bought, coconut, Frenchy McFrenchfrench
PRICE: $4
AVAILABLE FROM: Sweetheart Bakery stall, Winter Wonderland Market

CONSTRUCTION, TEXTURE, AND STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY

As everyone is well aware, gateaux is not in fact a distinct variety of cake, apart from denoting its French heritage. Never ones to resort to selling something as gauche and common as “cake”, the land of chain-smoking and pretension saw fit to supplant the noble and reliable term with something decidedly more pretentious, more unwieldy, more… French.

The cak - sorry, gateaux - was divided into a number of layers of coconut sponge. This was a good texture, never stodgy, although it was maybe just ever so slightly on the dry side. The layers of raspberry jam and cream that demarcated largely ameliorated any ill effects that might have resulted therefrom, 

TASTE

I’m a coconut fan, having, over the years, decorated all visible surfaces in my abode with tributes to that honourable… uh… fruit? Nut? Thing? Anyway, it’s a taste I believe works well in all kinds of baking and cakework, and so its presence here was welcome. However, I’m well aware that coconut is a controversial addition; certainly the site of the modern world’s greatest conflict and debate, now that we’ve sorted out all that messy “war” stuff. Needless to say, your appreciation of this cake may well turn on which side of this conflict you stand. 

Raspberry usually works well with coconut, and this cake was no exception. The icing was the right level of sweetness, going well with the sponge and bringing out the full breadth of its flavours.

EXTRAS

Being a market-purchased slice, one cannot expect much in the way of extras; it’s simply too unwieldy to manage cream in a transportable container as one looks at the toenail clipping ashtrays and woollen underpants on offer. Cream would have been expected in any other setting, however; while the cake was far from unenjoyable without it, cream would have removed any concerns about the cake’s texture and dryness. The cake was presented in a manageable and well-sized cardboard box, with a convenient plastic fork to go with it. Sitting beneath the cake was an eco-friendly recycled paper napkin, which added to the aesthetic and left one with the aura of a down-to-earth humble operation.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Sans cake, would the market be all that one could hope for? It’s hard to say for sure - as I alluded to, there’s a lot of quality food there. But we all know that nothing else ever quite matches cake, and so for that, we’re eternally grateful for the comely cupcake lass with her glorious delights.*

(* The cakes aren’t bad, either.**)

(** Just haaaad to go and ruin it all in the last line.)