Reviews

Dunedin. The Edinburgh of the south. The panda with a chestnut. The return of the Jedi. The ol’ drunken elephant. The clitoris of the South Island.

Why is Dunedin there? No one has ever been able to fathom that conundrum. But there it sits, populated on the one hand by students a ragtag bunch of cold-ridden students; on the other by 427-year-old pensioners to whom a bowl of porridge is both a primary hobby and a rather spooky doppelganger.

Last week I had occasion to visit the raging metropolis when a business saw fit to interview me for a job.* That’s great and all, but in Dunedin? I sought comment on the notion, but all anyone had for me was “Dunedin’s not that bad.” Not the most ringing of endorsements. I haven’t heard such a half-hearted attempt at selling something since Cairns’ Fudge tried the slogan “There’s nothing wrong with it”. Quick tip: the fastest way to make someone think there’s something wrong with your product is to say that there’s nothing wrong with it when they hadn’t actually commented on its quality - or lack thereof - in the first place. (*Not of reviewing cakes, you understand; no, it was my other gig - polishing and detailing antique candlesticks. That’s not a euphemism, but it does almost work, doesn’t it?) But I digress, as always, without fail. Whether or not the city was for me, reviewing cake was a priority, as it always is when traveling. Or when staying at home. Or occasionally even when sleeping. Point is, it was a fine time to try something new. But what to pick? Though not a particularly overwhelming municipality, it was somewhat bizarre to be amidst an actual city centre again, with tall(ish) buildings and everything. Even a limited array of cakes could prove befuddling to someone who had forgotten what it was like to travail the crannies of urban canyons, who had forgotten what it was like to observe gaggles of teenage wastrels lingering outside central city arcades, who had forgotten the simple joy of urinating in an urban alleyway. Not that I ever… I mean, I was just imagining that would be… uh, anyway, point is, it could have been a bit of a challenge. Fortunately, the airport shuttle stopped right outside the art gallery café, sure to be a bastion of culture and good taste. And though a peppermint cupcake later found at the Students’ Association was of some interest, it was this first taste of Dunedin’s cake scene that made the cut.

CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE

CATEGORIES: chocolate, nut, served-with-ludicrous-amounts-of-cream
PRICE: $6.00
AVAILABLE FROM: Nova Café, Dunedin

CONSTRUCTION, TEXTURE, AND STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY 

A fudge cake seemed like it would be a suitable Dunedin choice, it being after all a very traditional type of cake that you could expect to find occupying your grandmother’s biscuit tins. Coupled with the fact it was promoted as being “gluten free”, one would not have been surprised to find it stodgy and tough, much like the average Dunedin retiree.

Surprisingly, though, it did not suffer from this fate, instead sporting a subtle, almost earthy texture; the presence of ground almond throughout working well. While still dense, the fork slid through with ease, and it remained entirely pleasant to eat. It did have a tendency to crumble in a way unusual for a fudge cake, but it presented no challenges to the overall eating experience.

The cake was covered in a thin milk chocolate icing, which was endearing in its slightly rough nature. 

TASTE

The almond was strong but not overpowering, mixing well with the chocolate. Usually one might expect a dark chocolate icing with such a cake, but the milk chocolate made for a nice change, and ensured none of the flavours were lost. Indeed, the combination made for a respectably complex and ambitious bouquet.

EXTRAS

Cream and yoghurt was offered, with cream accepted, and it arriv - WHOAHOLYSHITSONOFABITCHWHATISTHAT??? The cream almost exceeded the size of the cake itself. It had its own gravitational field. The orbits of surrounding planets were affected. It was as if someone had torn the udder off a cow, pointed around inside and said “I’ll have all that as cream, thanks. All of it. Just go ahead and beat it with the cow’s hoof. One of the front ones; the back ones are all gooked up with mess.” But, hey, who am I to complain about excess cream? After all, my presence does tend to have that effect, so I best get used to it.*

(* Icky.)

Also, the waiter came to refill my water whilst I was eating. For a cake that’s priced at $6, that’s pretty decent service. I salute you, polite dreadlocked waiter!

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

This was undoubtedly one of the finer chocolate cakes we’d sampled in some time, with technical ambition that set it apart from the usual generic mud cakes found in so many eateries. It was priced quite reasonably for the standard of café in which it was served, and all in all, did only good things for Dunedin’s reputation. 

So, will this humble cake reviewer make his way south next year? Nobody knows. But if so, at least there’s cake. And that’s not that bad.