Reviews

If this were simply called “The Shark Night”, then at least the title would rhyme with the title of a great film – even though a razor-toothed menace swimming the rivers of Gotham doesn’t really jive.

But let's face facts: this is a B-grade animal slasher flick all the way. If you walk in expecting to stumble on a sleeper-hit film that in a few years time will become a cult classic, you might have your expectations punctured slightly. If you walk in expecting even a hint of the greatness seen in Jaws, then get out – seriously, get out.

The title might give it away: Shark Night 3D exists solely for our entertainment. It's like this magazine, you read it and then throw it away (no offence, Seb) (Dead to me. Dead – Ed.). Short-lived pleasure, but ultimately forgettable, like Manchester Street on Fridays back in the day.

But even though it's a mere popcorn, guilty pleasure trash film which you know is going to be bad, somehow the premise of a giant 3D shark killing scantily-clad college girls never truly loses its appeal to the masses. A group of young-uns head to an island lakehouse for a weekend of fun – fun until the black guy gets mauled by a shark (way to kill the vibe by losing your arm, dude). Remaining onboard are the nerd, the hottie, the Mexican, the girl with a troubled past somehow linked to the present dilemma, the geek, and the vain guy who thinks he's hot shit when he's really a dick. Throw in a group of white trash hillbillies who have tied cameras to the sharks to capture their gruesome killings, and you've covered about every ethnicity and stereotypical group ever. As with many horror films, it makes more sense to act on the dumbest decision ever than to follow any logical idea to safety, so thankfully, most of them die.

A few of the "money shot" scenes are laughable – get this, a guy climbs halfway up a tree out of the water, but the shark does a mean somersault and bites him off with ease. That's not all; the shark can also chew through outboard motors, eat metal, jump out of the water and decapitate a person, and swim faster than a 120kmh jetski. Totally computer generated, totally shit.

Shark Night 3D is just another addition to a great number of things ruined this year. But hey, at least it's not your chimney, right?

Written by Will Hayes & Jesse Studenberg
Directed by David R. Ellis