the mr bean sandwich

In celebration of our Human Resources edition, I bring to you perhaps the most a recipe by one of the most resourceful characters in recent history, Mr Bean.  

This recipe comes from the episode The Curse of Mr Bean. Alongside visiting the local swimming pool where he realises that he is scared of diving, trying to find a way to leave the car park without paying, and taking his girlfriend to a scary movie, Ben visits the park for a lunchtime snack. It is here where the infamous sandwich first appeared on our screens. Bean uses everything on his person to construct a sandwich that is a worthy competitor to his fellow park luncher.  

Despite success in constructing his lunch, everything goes wrong at the last minute, creating one of Bean’s most classic sketches.  

You will need: 

  • One loaf of white bread – rustic style. 
  • Butter 
  • Iceberg lettuce 
  • Sardines 
  • Black peppercorns – whole 

How to: 

  1. Take out your trusty pair of scissors from your coat and cut two slices of bread – about one inch thick. Throw end crust into the nearest bin.  
  2. Using an Eftpos card or student ID, spread butter on each slice. Remove lettuce from a snap-lock bag, also kept in your jacket. Wash in a nearby water fountain and use a sock to spin lettuce, removing water.  
  3. Place lettuce on a piece of buttered bread. Get a jar of sardines out of your jacket. Take a sardine or two out of the jar and bash on something solid to ensure they’re dead.  
  4. Take whole black peppercorns and sprinkle them into a handkerchief. Fold over the handkerchief and use a hard-healed shoe to crack pepper. Sprinkle onto sardines and place the piece of bread on top. 
  5. For a side, take a hot water bottle and tip a teabag in. Add milk to taste.  
  6. Make sure you don’t flick pepper into the air or use a handkerchief, or you will sneeze and lose your creation.