How To Make Some Fast Cash

  1. THE P WORD

Everyone knows the easiest way for good looking young students to make cash fast starts with “pro” and ends in “tion”, yes that’s right kids… production. Get out and make some stuff and sell it on a street corner.

  1. FIND A METEORITE AND SELL IT

I’ve got to warn you these are quite rare and hard to find, but as they say patience is a virtue. Ohhh wait, this is about making fast cash… ignore the patience bullshit… steal one from a museum.

  1. WRITE A BOOK

You can make a lot of money if you write a story about a girl with dragon tattoos, a bespectacled wizard, or about a guy who owns 50 pairs of sunglasses (I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey but I presume that’s what it’s about).

  1. BLACKMAIL

Park your van across the road from your lecturer’s house, watch them with binoculars, wait for them to slip up, photograph it, blackmail them. Easy.

  1. UCME

Get selected as part of the UCME marketing campaign. I don’t actually know if they pay you, but it’s a good way to launch a modelling career, which will get you rich.

  1. GET A JOB

Get a job like the rest of us you fucking bum, and stop reading tips like these that never have any practical information in them. Google “seek” or “student job search” or something.