CANTA issue #5, 2017

Lucky Dip #2 4


He was late and wearing a bandana. Who wears a bandana, especially on a Wednesday night to Spags? I let it slide, and maybe that was because I was more than a couply drinks in already. I definitely got the best out of that voucher. Cheers Canta, by the way.

He seemed slightly uncomfortable in his own skin. Gangly and in a blazer that I swear was borrowed from a flatmate because it was like three sizes too small. I tried to put him at ease by talking about our common interests. Fishing for those was hard work. I settled on electronic music. Talking about this prompted him to play trap music on youtube at full volume. I was not keen on this at all.

At this point I was just waiting for the food and then I was going to boost. We were getting death stares from every other table at the restaurant because of his shit music. It was like we were on a bus.

Luckily our pizza arrived and we had something else to talk about: pineapple on pizza. I am against it. He fucking ordered it. Tried to make me eat it. I firmly said no and he insisted. I called him a cock and he apologised.

I think he was just nervous and tried to be confident and funny, when it just came off as awkward and desperate. His dad joke game was weak and pizza puns were total shit chat. Cute if I was 5 years younger.

When we left I basically ran to my uber to avoid an awkward goodbye. He had tomato sauce on his face. I stupidly gave him my number and had to block him later that night when he was fishing to come over for ‘dessert’…. nooooo way.  I slept so lightly thinking he was going to scale in my window or something!

Thanks for the date but it will never happen in this lifetime. Overall it was cringe but still glad I went there.

Thanks Canta for a decent pizza and a not so dece date. Not your fault!

Lucky Dip #2 10


I played it cool and pulled out all the stops. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her, it was a serendipitous moment. This girl had been one of my Countdown Church Corner crushes for the better part of a year. I hinted at her all night that she’d served me and that I knew where she worked but she wasn’t clicking.

She was tiny, with the nicest eyes and lips. Heavy makeup on her eyebrows which I didn’t like.

She maybe didn’t get my jokes, because she just stared at me blankly. I also triggered her allergies with my aftershave so had to wash it off in the bathrooms. That was definitely a minus.

I decided not to drink because I was nervous af. You got to keep it classy on a first date.

We talked quite a bit about uni and tried to join the dots with our friends but we definitely run in different circles. She was into dogs and I am deathly allergic. I love Rick and Morty and she hadn’t watched any of it. This was becoming increasingly difficult and I felt like she wasn’t interested.

I wasn’t letting her get away easy. She was top 3 out of my crushes. I offered to drive her home but she her mum waiting. I got her number though and we exchanged a few texts. There definitely will be a second date.

Thanks CANTA for setting me up on this date. I owe you big time.

Lucky Dip #2 5
Lucky Dip #3 1