CANTA issue #2, 2017

Lucky Dip #2 4


Being 20 years single, my friends thought it would be a good idea forcing me to go on this blind date and I mean what did I really have to lose? Aside from a little dignity, which was questionable before the blind date anyway. So heck, here I was Friday night, six nervous shots and a desperate gin and water funnel deep (I was in a rush with little supplies). I had a list of well-planned escape excuses on the ready. To enlighten you on the depth of this, I knew the waiter who was working that night, I told him if I order “meat lovers” he’d have to return in five minutes with an emergency.

Surprisingly, I didn’t need to order the meat-lovers pizza as our chat was filled with how he averages on 150 Instagram likes and had been on a bender since Monday, if that’s not your idea of a lad, I don’t know what is. I ended up ordering the margarita pizza, which my flat mates and I had previously decided would be the cutest thing to order on the menu.

Two bottles of wine later we thought it was about time we to go back to my flat for a cuppa, we walked a bit then decided to Uber. Conveniently, he didn’t have the app. Let’s just say the android phone he whipped out that night wasn’t the only thing he whipped out that shocked me.

Sorry to my date for the confusion and thanks CANTA for the meal and drinks!

Lucky Dip #2 10


I don’t know why I was rather nervous heading into this blind date. I’m 6’6″, dark, and fucking gorgeous, so I really should have nothing to worry about. But I was nervous, and I think it had something to do with the fact that all I could think about was, “shit I hope I can lose my virginity tonight.”

After the meet and greet, we promptly ordered a bottle of Pinot Gris when I meant Pinot Noir. Fuck. I couldn’t drink that shit, it tastes like bloody poison. I managed to keep a straight face while having my first few sips, but when the time came to order our second bottle I had to insist on something else.

The girl? She was nice. Let’s call her____. I was hoping for a dress but ____ was wearing jeans. It looked quite weird me being in my tux but it was a great conversation starter. ____’s chat was definitely satisfactory. We yarned for ages but after an hour I realised she had lied about her ability to drink because mid-sentence it was later bol.

With ___ being passed out and me gagging down the rest of Marlborough’s finest, I thought it was time to call it. We Ubered back to mine for a short night of dry humping and pre ejaculation. Pretty standard for me but I really would have liked to make it to the sex part this time.

It’s not all bad though, ____ paid for the whole meal without using the vouchers so if any other girls want to come to Spagalimis I have $100 and a bloody good zipper on me jeans. Loose.

Lucky Dip #2 5
Issue Five: Tiny House 6