How To Vomit Correctly
- THE CLASSY VOM
Politely excuse yourself and make haste to the toilet; aim carefully, rinse your mouth out, freshen your breath and return to your scintillating convo. Repeat as desired.
- THE SNEAKY VOM
Channel your inner ninja and spew with stealth; behind the couch, the nearest pot plant, and an unfortunate handbag are just some of your options. Tip toe at your discretion.
- THE PHANTOM VOM
The phantom vomer leaves absolutely no trace – remove all liquid, lumps, and other spew detritus; deny all knowledge if the residual odour attempts to betray your sins.
- THE CHEEKY VOM
Raise your hand to your mouth and turn your head as if your about to whisper. Deposit unwanted stomach contents off to the side and return to your original position. Smile and act as if nothing has happened.
- THE X-FACTOR VOM
Take centre stage. Do the helicopter, recreate the Tivoli fountain, burp the alphabet when you’re done, whatevs. Be creative. It will be a “yes” from someone, I promise.