How To Flirt

  1. THE TEASER

Remember when we were all kids and some little punk at kindergarten started picking on you and your parents would ensure you that they’re acting that way because they actually have a crush on you? The Teaser acts on this sort of logic, using carefully phrased insults as forms of endearment and flirtation. Be cautious not to take the teasing too far, as you run the risk of actually offending the other person.

  1. THE COOL GUY

This requires you to get rid of any hint of desperation in your flirtation technique. Adopt an air of nonchalance, don’t pay too much attention to your target of affection and, if you don’t have some badass life story, try and spend the next five minutes coming up with one in your head. Added points for possessing chewing gum, perfectly disheveled hair, and the ability to play more than just Wonderwall on the guitar.

  1. THE PERSONAL SPACE INVADER

Everyone knows that one person who likes to get a little too close. This may not be your best bet but, hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, right? Spot your target, confidently walk up to them, then spend the rest of the evening leaning in, rubbing shoulders, and being generally too close for comfort. Let me know if it works out for you.

  1. THE MONEY

Only advisable if you have a full-time job and/or live with your parents. As the name suggests, using “The Money” means just that… using your money to win someone over. Start by having money, then continuing paying for everything. This is a pretty easy way to impress someone, but if you start off like this, they’re likely to expect you to continue being this way.

  1. THE AVOIDER

People? Flirting? Thanks, but no thanks! The Avoider means avoiding all social interaction at all costs, because people are gross and why would you want to be around them. If you’re using this flirting method, I assume you were dragged along to some place you don’t want to be. Be careful, you might attract those people who like quiet types.