GOOP'D

By Lily Mirfin (she/her)

Known for oil pulling and her ‘This Smells Like My Vagina Candle’ Gwyneth Paltrow has made quite a name for herself in the health sector. CANTA’s Lily Mirfin decides to visit her most 21-st century of platforms, Goop, to find out whether the hype is all that.  

Somehow I doubt many of you are familiar with the jade egg, dubious candle scent side to Gwyneth Paltrow. If that is the case, I am honoured to introduce you to Goop, the lifestyle and wellness brand created by the actress.  

The prices are unbelievable, and I’m trying to figure out if the food is equally as out of touch. I’m not quite within Goop’s target audience. I’m about 20 years too young and many tax brackets below the average Gooper. Gwyneth’s wellness focus has been a tad controversial, like the time she said she’d “rather die” than let her kids eat a Cup-A-Soup. And she (reportedly) once said that “Anything natural can’t be bad.” Needless to say, I approached the Goop website with a grain of salt. However, I think I was a bit more confronted by my own goop-iness.  

I’m an absolute sucker for the wellness industry. I put collagen powder in my coffee, love acupuncture, and think growing my own kale is fun. But sometimes, things seem a bit extreme – even to me. Of course, Gwyneth Paltrow has released what she eats in a day. I was expecting something hardcore, but honestly, it was a bit of a let-down. There was nothing too wacky about it.   

All she seems to consume are lots of veggies, whole grains, and a whole lot of supplements. Now, I couldn’t get my hands on her vitamins (but I wish I could with names like “Balls in the air” and “Why am I so effing tired”) or supplements (best name goes to Moon Juice Brain Dust). The price of these ingredients seems impossibly high, and I’m not sure what rice protein concentrate is useful for. But I did make a few small things like smoothies and a noodle stir fry. Overall, despite some quirky ingredients, everything was pretty normal. It was low-key disappointing: I wanted something more out there, Gwyneth; please make things a bit more extreme.   

After spending far too much time on the Goop website, it dawned on me that maybe Gwyneth has had an unfair wrap.  

The recipes are good, and seeing $500 juicers seems hilariously out of touch. But she’s clearly following her passions, and who are we to fault her for that. It’s pretty clear that you don’t need to spend all your money on obscure ingredients to have a balanced diet. But I really do think that the average student needs to pay a little more attention to what they’re eating. I’m just going to say it, making a stir-fry from scratch isn’t much harder than making a pack of Mi Goreng. But putting this much thought into your diet seems a bit much. Man, what I would do for some Moon Dust Brain Juice, though.  

Don’t be afraid to have a Cup-A-Soup every now and then. Don’t let Gwyneth hold you back. Get goop’d.