Tits on Tara

We’re all from Rolleston. We’re an amalgamation of three flats from last year, split across the two flats this year.
We stole the sign in the window from the neighbours. They’re stealing stuff constantly. It’s a bit of a war. They stole our picnic table, and we also suspect they left a bottle of alcohol filled with pee on our lawn. We got Jesus from the free shop because we figure in quite a rough neighbourhood, and they might not rob us because they’ll think, y’know, God’s watching. So far it’s worked.

The advantages of the front flat is the John Key claim, and the good stalking position from the windows. We have a “rape dungeon” as well, which the back flat doesn’t have. It’s a cupboard under the stairs that’s not really big enough for anything except rape. The back flat is warm, with a big lounge, and you can witness burglaries from the park pretty good.
There’s pressure living up to the place’s reputation. We’ll probably be the only Tara flat that hasn’t had anyone run for an executive role. It’s probably also the only time it’s been all girls in both flats - that’s a lot of pressure as well. We’re looking forward to Tarapalooza; to see what we can come up with. We’re making Tara singlets up, if any previous Tara members want to invest.

We must live in the ghetto because we often see people tagging, and seven year olds smoking, and drug dealing, and stealing, and 12-year olds having sex in the park. We have this guy called Cyril who walks past every day with his dog, Footrot. He comes around and scopes our yard for empty bottles, and asks us for cans. Our neighbour thinks he’s Hugh Hefner; walks outside in a robe and slippers, and down to Paresh and Naresh dairies in them.
We had a Mexican red card at 5 in the morning. We had to wear sombreros, ponchos, and moustaches, and walk to McDonald’s. We looked really classy walking down Matipo Street spewing. By like ten in the morning we were comaed, and everyone had to go to lectures.

The flat warming got mentioned in The Press and on Yahoo!, except they called it “Tata” Street. It got broken up by the riot police. It was the only party that night, and they’d known about it for weeks. But it all worked out pretty well; we made a pretty sweet tarp city. A guy pissed on the tarp, though, and fell into it; ripped our tarp. We also have to rebuild our neighbours’ fence because someone broke it, so that’s a bit of a downer. We’re advertising for some builders to help us.