The Balgay Glen

It clearly used to have a window, but it’s gone now. You walk in there and go to turn on a light, but the light switch is just too far from the door, so you have to walk into the pitch black first – and you’re seeing shit moving in the background. After the earthquake we just didn’t go in there for ages. We had five kittens earlier in the year, one each. We got them from Cat Rescue because they were abandoned. You look after them until they’re old enough to be adopted out, so we had them from when they were like four weeks until nine weeks. The flat smelt, but it wasn’t too bad. We also had two fish. The first one jumped out on the first afternoon and killed itself, and then there was only Fred left. Then we bought another, Splodge, and Fred died. We’re down from seven pets to one. We’re thinking about getting chickens, though; we’re doing eco-my-flat and we were going to get them for eggs. We’ve only had one red card, which was Pokemon-themed. It was just us dressing up as Pokemon, and then we had to drink to the Pokemon song. We played “Circle of Snorlax”, which is just Circle of Death with Pokemon cards. You also had to drink every time your Pokemon came on screen, which is unfortunate when you’re Pikachu, apparently, because Pikachu appears in every second scene. Bad choice. Lou’s good at complaining to companies. We opened up a packet of crackers, and it looked like a mouse had been in there, so she called up and complained. Then there was the rock in a can of tuna. There’s all these leftovers around to send off; bits of food everywhere. The ultimate was the bottle of vodka whose lid wouldn’t screw back on – she called up the company, they told her to send the bottle minus the vodka, so she got to keep the vodka and got sent a nice full replacement bottle. The flat’s nice and clean; it’s going to be warmer than other flats we’ve been in. It’s nicer; it’s really cute. We’re all kind of tidy, so it’s not real dirty. We just kind of hang out in the lounge a lot more than we have in previous flats. There was no earthquake damage, which is good, except for the hole in the floor – it’s pretty minor. The area’s quite cool; there are quite a few student flats around here, so we know quite a few people. The hotel people next door are really nice; good neighbours – they let us use their dryer. There are some creeps, though; weird people who wander up and down the street… We’ve got the beginnings of a Colin Firth shrine on the noticeboard, along with a couple of sperm stress balls – they’re Colin Firth sperm, so they’re special.