50 Cupboards

We wear pyjamas and slippers a lot. And crowns. We have worn them to fancy dress, but even before that we wanted matching onesies, because we’re really, really cool like that.
We have a cat. He’s black and white. His name is Thomas, and he likes to drink out of the toilet. He likes the toilet, the kitchen sink, and the rubbish bin - he’s got a phobia of his bowl. We stole him from our landlord.
We also have an invisible flat pony. There’s a picture of him on the fridge - that’s only a guess because we’ve never actually seen him.
We have a zombie survival guide that’s hiding on the wall; that’s pretty exceptional. There was drinking involved in making it, there was dancing involved. It lists the essential items that must be held on the premises at all times including “curly fries, alcohol, Harry Potter bandaids”. Things that must be done before the inevitable apocalypse include purchasing the latest edition of Flying G6 for Dummies, setting up secret bank accounts in Bora Bora,gun licenses, and building a helipad - for the G6.
There’s a quote board on the alcohol cupboard. Most people aren’t happy when the quotes go up there - it’s not so much a quote board as a list of the dumb shit we say. The flat motto is “it’s not prostitution unless it’s cash”; the one everyone has to question. The flat drink is a “woo woo”; a lovely cocktail made of vodka, peach liquor, and cranberry juice. It tastes pretty good.
There’ve been a number of couch-crashing honourary flatmates, including Andrew who lived here for three weeks as an earthquake refugee. He was lovely. One of the conditions of being an honourary flatmate is you need to keep something in one of the flat’s fifty cupboards. There is a dispute over whether there are only 49, but it’s hard to classify them. We assume the reason for having so many cupboards is dead bodies, but we haven’t found any yet.
Settlers of Catan is pretty much our life. A friend turns up with the board game and we’ll drop everything and play. Whenever we’re meant to be studying, we play Catan instead. The appeal of Catan is destroying each other. You get to be horrible; all our flat anger is let out. You can hate each other playing the game, then the minute the game is over, it’s fine. We haven’t had any real tensions yet. Yet. It’s only May; we’ve got a few months to go. We’ll see how things go.