Preparing for Tea Party

The Costume

The costume is extremely important. It defines how you'll be perceived, and how you'll enjoy and remember the day. Usually there's a trade-off, though; quite often the awesome costume ideas are ones that will be uncomfortable to wear. Remember, you'll be in a big crowd of people, and it could be quite warm, and you might want to dance, and you might want to drink – and you can never be sure that the slightly tipsy masses will have the same respect for your mint condition nomex Batman replica outfit that you have.

Be awesome, be creative, and remember: sometimes the simplest ideas are the best. However, the simplest option of "no costume" is just shit. Don't be that guy.

The Top Costumes for 2011

Amy Winehouse

You just need to be prepared to be compared to several other similar costumes.
Pros: You can get pretty much as drunk as you please and everyone will just assume you're "in character".
Cons: Beehive wigs get toasty in the afternoon sun.

Zombie Steve Jobs

The man was always going on about ideas and creativity and innovation when he was alive; it's not much of a stretch to imagine him groaning "braaaaaaaains, braaaaaaains".
"Too soon"? There's no such thing as "too soon" when it comes to the Tea Party.
Pros: Black turtleneck, blue jeans, and sneakers are all relatively easy to procure.
Cons: ... so easy to procure that everyone will be dressed as him. So how about instead you pick...

The iPad

It carries the Spirit of Jobs, but with a slightly more creative spin.
Pros: Everyone wants one, and people like to stroke them. If you're on the prowl it's instant popularity.
Cons: Do it right and it's going to be one of those big, unwieldy, pain-in-the-ass cardboard or plastic things that you can't really navigate and that everyone else begins to get pissed off at in the moshpit.

Happy Feet

A penguin that gets that much attention must be on to something.
Pros: C'mon, dressing up as a giant-ass penguin is just fun.
Cons: Happy Feet was (and we're going with "was", unless we get any better intelligence) a penguin that didn't make the natural selection list. Do you really want to associate yourself with that?

Silt

If there's one thing we're not short of this year, it's silt.
Pros: Instant relevance!
Cons: Silt kind of stinks. And if you make a costume replicating it, you're going to look kind of shit. And by that, we mean you're going to look like a big ol' turd.

All Black First-Fives

Dress up in All Blacks' kit, put a big bandage over your groin. Sorted.
Pros: There's something about that position which must give your groin a pounding...
Cons: All Blacks replica jerseys cost a bomb, so unless you're willing to half-ass it be prepared to make an investment.

Sam Johnson

You've got a couple of options here: Sam Johnson (Realistic), with an easy-to-procure Volunteer Army t-shirt, gumboots, and curly wig; or Sam Johnson (Deity) with the aforementioned wig and the addition of white flowing robes.
Pros: Adoration of the masses.
Cons: You'll be expected to coordinate the Tea Party clean-up afterwards. Trust us, that's not a job you want.

Three Costumes We Wouldn't Mind Retiring

The Smurf

We've spotted groups of them at the past few Tea Parties, never with any kind of clever variation or update. Sure, blue paint is easy and satisfies the whole "flesh exposure" expectation, but it's getting a little too easy, and the flesh exposure just isn't all that satisfying.* And now that there's a Smurfs movie coming out, it's gone from having a touch of retro-cool to being... well... something from a current kids' movie. A bad one.
(* Some exemptions may apply to Smurfettes.)
Acceptable Variation: Tobias Funke, which is basically the same thing.

Speedo Cops

The appeal is understandable, particularly if you're trying to show off your package in a non-threatening way, but the joke has long since expired.
Acceptable Variation: Speedo SAS Squad

Beer Cans

We get it; you like booze. How "edgy".
Acceptable Variation: Canned food, 'cause at least it shows some personality.

The Pre-Show Festivities

After spending a year of missing early morning lectures because you were too lazy to climb out of bed, Tea Party is the day where you get up ridiculously early so you can party before the party begins. There are many traditions that involve over-indulging – far be it from us to encourage this, we'll just say that you should make it a day to remember, but keep in mind that if you're hammered by the time you roll up to the gate, you won't get let in. And that just means you spent a morning drinking, which is fairly average.

Definitely go for a primo breakfast – eggs, bacon, sausages, steak; the whole works. You'll need the energy for the day, and it just makes the whole thing even more of a novelty. And definitely stop by one of the big pre-Tea Party parties, but don't make it the sole focus of your morning.

The Line-Up

9:30am – The Laon
11am – Tommy Ill
12 noon – Kids of 88 (DJ set)
1:30pm – KweenG & Bad Ezzy
2:15pm – Zowie
3:30pm – The Checks
5:00pm – Optimus Gryme & MC Tiki

Stuff to Remember Once There

You've got to be a UCSA Member to get in

If you're enrolled at UC, you're a UCSA member, unless you've let them know otherwise. Make sure you've got your Canterbury Card on you at the gate – otherwise you won't be getting any further.

You've got to be 18 or over to attend

Since folks like to enjoy a few quiet drinks here and there at the Tea Party, we can't let in anyone under the age of 18. But don't worry, kid, you'll get there one day! If you are over 18, have some a valid proof-of-age ID on you: you will be checked.

Don't smuggle in heroin

... or cocaine, or marijuana, or ecstasy, or speed, or crack, or – okay, so, cut a long story short: no drugs. Or party pills. No alcohol, either; though you needn't worry, it'll be on offer once you're inside the gates. And leave the weapons at home, too – that means no bringing a real sword to go with your Conan the Barbarian costume. No bazookas, either, though we'll be pretty damn impressed if you manage to source one.

Your stuff might get checked

As much as we'd like to take you all on your word that you'll follow the above directive, the conditions of your ticket mean you consent to a reasonable search of your person and any items you have with you.

There'll be free food – eat it

There'll be an array of fine delicacies put on for you on offer throughout, so make sure you try a little. We're not trying to fatten you up for some kind of nefarious plan to harvest student-refined fat as a form of alternative biofuel to run the secret UCSA reactor – I mean, that'd be crazy – but having some eats in your stomach will keep you pumping through the day. Plus, c'mon, free food. You're a student, passing that up would be heresy.

There'll be free water – drink it

Keeping hydrated is what all the cool kids are doing these days. Also "crumping," but I'm not quite sure what that is, and I think it scares me a little.

No pass outs

This one was a little confusing, but turns out it doesn't refer to fainting. Though you probably shouldn't do that, either. No, it means that once you leave the event, you can't get back in.

Get into it, not out of it

Have fun, be safe, enjoy yourself. The Tea Party is an event to be remembered, so make sure you can remember at least a part of it.

Don't be a dick

Seriously, dude. We're all tired of that shit. It's not going to be a repeat of your mate Gazza's flatwarming.

DON'T MISS OUT

The Tea Party is one of those things the likes of which you won't really get to experience outside of uni. It's not all about drinking – though there's plenty of that if that's what you're into – there's creativity, great music, usually sunshine, and just the incomparable feeling of celebrating the end of lectures with several thousand other students. And this year, that's something you'll want more than ever.

At time of writing there are still some tickets left, so hit up ucsa.org.nz now to get yours!