Not the Place to Be

On Saturday night, I met a couple of really nice guys. They were over from the West Coast to "go to town" and I had to laugh. I hate to say it, but Greymouth probably has more of a night-scene than Christchurch these days. Sadly, they had been misinformed about our city, and agreed with me. The last few weeks I have been searching for my ultimate Christchurch weekend hangout, and unfortunately, the disappointments have far out-weighed the fun.

On a Saturday night in Christchurch, one's options are fairly limited. There are a variety pubs that supposedly "go off sick", but they're so far into obscurity that you've probably never heard of them. Be warned. I went out to a "really good pub" one night with some mates who totally recommended it. I witnessed several fights between degenerate middle-aged men and saw a domestic argument between a couple turn into a borderline Once Were Warriors scene. Then there's the possibility of being hit on by men old enough to be your grandfather, where you come so close to considering taking the free alcohol that you end up disgusted with yourself in the morning.

Apparently everybody loves spending their Saturday nights in Christchurch waiting outside the "club" in the freezing cold whilst watching the young bar-owners' ten million "VIP" friends walk right on in. I fell into this trap myself for quite some time, and no doubt will do it again. Let's face it: everyone is going to keep going as long as they have no other options. The music is over-remixed, and chances are you probably don't even know the lyrics. Oh, but boys – Papanui is all class these days, so make sure you wear your smartest shoes, dress-shirts, and no hoodies, or you can kiss your night goodbye. Is it really worth the cover charge? I swear it was easier to get into actual clubs in town. Those were the days.

Any place that primarily plays drum and bass and/or dubstep on a Saturday night, whilst still demanding a cover charge is a rip-off. Womppp wompp wommmp.... Dur dur dur wommmmp. No. Just no. I understand some people are totally into that – and that's cool – but is it really necessary to play it all night on the biggest night of the week? Mix it up a bit!

Pubs are turning into clubs all over the place. I met the Greymouth kids in one on Saturday night. I can't say I was impressed to wait in line for half an hour, but I guess the rugby was nearing full-time on the big screen, so allowances can be made. The lack of cover charge was pleasing, but the lack of talent inside was not. Too many drunk 18-year old girls falling over and embarrassing themselves. We're all young once, but observing potential predators looming in to deposit the roofies in the drinks of unsuspecting young women is disturbing. It's the best service I have had behind a bar in Christchurch for a long time, though, so I will be back. Sadly, the West Coasters don't agree.

I ended my night at the Night 'n Day, watching groups of guys get declined from purchasing beer and having a good laugh at their aggressive reactions. "I'm not [insert multiple obscenities here] drunk man; this ain't fair!!!!!".

I guess it's sad that that was the best part of any night I have had in Christchurch for a long time.