How To Escape A Fight

  1. ASSESS THE RISK

The first tactic is simple. It is important to scope out whether or not the guy is more athletic or agile as you. If not, and you are near a road/fence/bush, run.

  1. QUICKLY TRY AND FIND COMMON GROUND IF POSSIBLE

If you know where they are from, pretend you are good mates with someone ‘cool’ from their old high school, or someone from their sports team or hometown. Talk about how you went on a family holiday with their family six months ago to the Coromandel; or something similar.

  1. TRY AND SLOWLY SHUFFLE TOWARDS A BOUNCER OR POLICE OFFICER DURING THE ARGUMENT

They will either realise that they are in a stupid place for a fight, or once they swing they will be thrown out of the bar. If at a house party, slowly move towards your friends or some people you know would break a fight up straight away.

  1. SCULL YOUR DRINK AND SAY YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE

Ask if they would like one as well. This maneuver will not only empress the attacker with your fantastic drinking ability, but they are also being given a free beverage.

  1. FIND A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW THEM

By doing this, you might also find that you make new friends, and who knows, they might even buy you a drink at the bar!

  1. LIE

Spin a yarn that you have connections to the Mongrel Mob. If they don’t believe you, make up a few believable names and say you’ll ring them if they try anything.

  1. SCREAM FOR HELP

Not only will they get all flustered, but people will be drawn to the situation. A few extra hands can normally free you from violence.

  1. A TAD CLICHÉ, BUT SIMPLY WALKING AWAY IS POSSIBLE

This will avoid any conflict and let the person know that you are not interested in any of their shenanigans.