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The most amazing discoveries are often inadvertent, such as in 1923 when alchemist and physician Dr John J. Penisil was working on a boner-pill when his syphilis miraculously cleared right up. He had accidentally discovered penicillin.

Us earthquake victims are coming up with these kinds of discoveries all the time. In my time so far as an earthquake refugee in the capital, I have made some startling discoveries too. Because I am moving to a new place every week, I have to travel light. One method I have used is to use the same personal cleaning product for my entire body – I know, this is a bold move in the Metrosexual Era where a regular shower routine usually uses soap, shampoo, conditioner, facewash, bodywash, and sometimes shaving cream/gel. Which one product could I entrust for my entire body? This was no decision to take lightly.

In the end, I settled for Garnier Fructus Anti-Dandruff Shampoo, which supposedly makes your hair up to three times stronger. It lathers rich and thick on the body. It has a sweet fragrant smell, and being a dandruff shampoo for men (presumably because women don't get dandruff), it isn't an overly camp smell. You'd expect it to be particularly good for the skin. Mostly, I settled for this because it was the cheapest without being in a giant generically-labelled tub.

And you know what? It's amazing - my pubes have never felt so soft. I always thought it had to feel like a goat's chin down there, but shampooing my balls every day has done wonders. It's so soft that supermodels could use my nuts as a foundation brush. Also, it has the most amazing shine, like my balls should be on a commercial for Tux. Also, not that it has ever been an issue, but I am now certain that I will never have flaky nads.

Last year, I grew out my hair and donated it to Locks of Love, a charity for children who suffer from diseases that result in hair-loss. Having done that good deed, and now that my pubes are exceedingly healthy, I think I might start my own foundation: Pubes for Profit. This will be a foundation which will collect human pubic hair to make merkins (pubic wig) for "late bloomers". We give kids who resemble Dr. Evil's cat (Mr. Bigglesworth) a merkin and the confidence to out and get their first STI. They say that if there's grass on the pitch you can play cricket, but some of us... err, I mean, some people who definitely weren't me, aren't blessed with a pubic growth until their late-teens. Now, with the power of daily shampooing, we can harvest our own pubes and help them. Besides, now that I am no longer getting split-ends, I will soon need to get a trim down there anyway. I mean, you got to: it makes your dong look bigger. So really, it's a win-win situation.

We humans are a resourceful and adaptable species. I never imagined I would write a 500 word article about my pubes, but through the earthquake, we have all experienced and learnt new things and we are stronger for it. Up to three times stronger, apparently.