THE BEER REVIEW

CANTA issue #6, 2017

I recently received a snap from a mate. This is a guy who I would knock back the bottles with while studying, get up to mischief and generally do stupid shit with outside of, and subsequently be late for, lectures. It helped us expand social circles, approach people we never would have dared, dance to terrible music and generally be a pest to society, respectable noise limits in the neighbourhood and Foo San’s and Big Gary’s inevitably declining interiors.

I later met my partner and did different things to entertain myself and her as we got to know each other and ourselves. Getting away from the drink did wonders for many reasons. Not that we never drink anymore, I have recently been spotted knocking shots back at Mickey Finns and singing Wagon Wheel appallingly.
Quick fact: Those who continue drinking heavily and frequently past 23-25 years of age go on to become
dependent on alcohol, or further to alcoholism.

Back to my mate. Late twenties. Cardboard beer box depicted in his snap chat, captioned: “Not a bad drop. Some good yarns on the box” Are you fecking kidding me? Its Saturday at noon and this is not out of the ordinary for him. He must
have been sitting there, looking at his stupid beer and thought to himself. “I’m going to review this in 10 words
or less and tell all my friends what I think about it.”

Fuck me. Seriously. Of all the things you could be doing in the world? Really!? A review, is fine. But reviewing a generic supermarket box of beer at noon on a Saturday in your late twenties half pissed is sad. Really sad.
I like the beer he’s drinking. Yes, it does have funny stuff on the box. Yes, it is marketed well. Even backed by a radio presenter to boot. But I would not choose to publicize my drink and analysis of choice to the world during a session. Is drinking like that so boring you resort to poor journalism? Is that really how you want  to spend your days? Your life? Looking at the bottle? I don’t. It saddens me that others do, what were good friends, will continue to do the same old song and dance for what looks like the rest of their lives.

So, go ahead, have a good time; because they are! But remember that there are reasons people don’t drink like they do at uni for the rest of their lives, and they may well shoot sore looks at you (partly out of envy, partly longing for a forgotten youth, partly miserable git).

Enjoy yourselves, but don’t forget what else is out there, waiting for you to discover. Quick clue, it’s not another beer box.
Issue Two: The Greasy Wok 4